*cackles* SPREAD OUT LIKE SPANDEX ON MIAMI BEACH. There's Youtube footage of his commentary on Villa's third goal, I think, and he, no lie, compares Villa to a peregrine falcon. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP.

Also, I seriously need to figure out who I'm gonna slash Valdes with now. If that magazine spread hadn't already settled it, tonight's match would have--I am literally two seconds away from writing Valdes/Ronaldo hatesex, and the sad thing is that I'm not more ashamed about it.