meretricula | yet another service advisory notice

THE CAST LIST HAS RAFA ON IT TOO, SO IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S ~ALL~ FOOTBALL

SHUT UP

I already have ironic affection for Ronaldo thanks to the British tabloids' obsession with him. How can you hate a person who's that ridiculous? I did see that other fic but hey, I can reread it fifty times as a chaser in between rereading the other part!

AFTER THIS HELLISH ESSAY SEASON IS OVER BB, DEFINITELY.

just so everyone will shut up about it already. Including Arsenal.
there are a number of comms who feel the same way.

i do root for arsenal whenever it doesn't affect our league position, and sometimes even when it does. i can't pretend not to see past their faults though - and this is more to do with the gooner fanbase than the gunners themselves - since as we all know samir nasri is a flawless human being - and more to do with twitter than anybody here on LJ. so, the nature of twitter as a social media tool means that it's very conducive to in-the-moment squee; even more so than tumblr, because macros/gifs can easily go viral whereas your 140-character tweets are unlikely to be retweeted unless you are (a) very famous and/or (b) saying something spectacularly failtastic.

anyway i think that it's perfectly understandable to cuss like a fishwife when your team's trademark beautiful, flowing, open, attacking football is being frustrated by a million-dollar wall. i am a wreck whenever someone parks a double-decker in front of barça, i would know. the thing is, some gooners have this persecution complex that means they buy into this narrative wherein the FA and the english media are out to get them. the refs are under constant scrutiny, the odds are always tilted against arsenal, if only the footballing gods were on their side, etc. i would be a lot more sympathetic if blackpool or sunderland were making such claims tbh. it seems that these gooners want to have their cake and eat it too - they want the reputation and the financial cushion that comes with being a big club, but they also want the underdog mentality that comes with being a small club. and these aren't teenage fangirls on lj - these are respected bloggers, grown-ass adults with jobs and families and shit and it bugs me how they always paint arsenal as the martyr. whew not i've got that off my chest i feel mucho mejor.

ohai there was a point to this comment. right. i came in here to tell you that footballers are IRL trolls true story.

worse, i am accusing your journal being a hotbed of madridista ferment ohohohoho

instead of shrieking about how he's destroying football with his defensive strategy
lol because awesome coaches like mou are known for their innovative brand of creative, attacking f --- oh wait. but mou will not go down in history as one of the greats!! xavi said so. how dare he say mou has not contributed as much to the sport as SAF and johan fucking cruyff, for pete's sake. (incidentally thank you for asking for a translation of that interview because i would never have listened to it as carefully otherwise, and consequently would not have been as pissed off when people willfully misinterpreted what xavi said.)

i think you just missed cesc's precocious wide-eyed vulnerable teenage prodigy stage, which would have endeared him to you a whole lot more as we are all confirmed pedobears etc. and i agree with mardia, city's dressing room tensions are a big turn-off. whatever else you might say about arsenal, it's obvious that they get along like a house on fire (though again, how much of that is a artificial tweaking on arsene's part is up to debate, as we can see from the gallas-nasri non-handshake) (but then again isn't that the manager's job).

in summary: i don't think that people hate on city for NO GOOD REASON, exactly, but like

acchikocchi i subscribe to city blogs and follow city twitters and i even follow machestercityspain tumblr, idk how that happened umm they have nice graphics? the tone of the city posts on _fb do make me uncomfortable (and it's not so much the OP's tone but the comments that i'm thinking of) so maybe this is proof that i am subliminally supporting the skyblues? who knows. omg if you are not already following this nice girl on tumblr who is a culé city fan you should, she just got back from a semester abroad in spain (madrid but still, dead of jealousy).

thank you, i never would have seen the mario-zlatan parallels but now that you've pointed them out WHERE IS THE STRIKER-ON-STRIKER HATESEX. WHERE IS THE FIC. fandom, please to get on this.

anyway i think that it's perfectly understandable to cuss like a fishwife when your team's trademark beautiful, flowing, open, attacking football is being frustrated by a million-dollar wall. i am a wreck whenever someone parks a double-decker in front of barça, i would know. the thing is, some gooners have this persecution complex that means they buy into this narrative wherein the FA and the english media are out to get them.

Okay, seriously, WORD. I was personally cussing like CRAZY during the first leg of the Bilbao-Barca Copa del Rey match that ended in 0-0. It was nothing but constant shrieks of "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY." And of course, Bilbao didn't, much to our collective dismay. But...that was in the moment. Regardless of what the other team is doing, your job is to play well and hopefully score goals. If you didn't score any goals, well then, that's that. It sucks, yes, but it kind of always baffles me, regardless, when someone says during a 0-0 draw, "So-and-so were the better team, they deserved to win." How does that even make sense? Yes, okay, one side can be better than the other, absolutely, but unless they were cheated out of a goal by something other than bad luck/the post, I can't see how you can say "they deserved to win." You know what makes you deserving of a win? SCORING GOALS.

I get how the martyr complex started among the Arsenal fanbase, truly, but that doesn't mean I have to like it or defend it. Trophy-hunt aside, they're one of the biggest, most successful clubs in what is generally agreed to be the most competitive league in the world. Relax already. The media talks shit about everything, it is what they are paid to do.

And the thing is, I have a lot of respect for Arsene Wenger, I find the faces he makes during matches to be as gifworthy as Mourinho's, but that complaint about Man-United's pitch in the wake of the 1-0 loss was ridiculous, flat out. I hate Man United, but on that particular day, their defense was better and they're the ones that ended up putting away the chance when they had it. You can talk about how Cesc wasn't truly fit, you can maybe even make the argument that Walcott, with his pace, should have started instead of Arshavin, but blaming it on the pitch? PLEASE. I eye-rolled so hard during that mess, lemme tell you.

Now, all that said, I do like the way that Arsenal play, and I find the great majority of their players to be charming and adorable, not to mention talented. If it hadn't been for that team, I probably would have started drinking a while back, considering how Liverpool's season has gone. (And, in defense of the Arsenal fanbase, I'm sure there's plenty of things about the Liverpool fanbase that drive onlookers equally nuts.) I like them a lot. But they aren't perfect, and simply playing gorgeous football isn't enough of a reason to hand them the league. Playing gorgeous football and earning the league title will.

WOW that was a longass comment of mine. Apparently I have been having THOUGHTS for a while now. Also, HEEEE at all those tweets, but especially Babel's. I actually want him to say that during a match now. LOL U MAD?

Ryan Babel--the footballer version of ONTD, for sure.

Jumping in to say in response to this--

Lately, watching Liverpool matches has been bad for my posture, what with all the crawling into a fetal position as the clock ticks.

--pfft, oh man, do I ever feel you there. Only in my case, it's accompanied by clawing at my face helplessly in horror.

AND JESS AND JULES FROM BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM IT'S ALL GOOD

UGH WHY MUST ESSAYS MAKE OUR LIFE DIFFICULT. UGH F'RREALS I DON'T EVEN HATE THIS ESSAY BUT I CANNOT WRITE IT AND I HATE MY LIFE.

stop talking sense, you

thank you! if there are any adventures worth reporting, I'll let y'all know. :)

oh man Santi is the most adorable ever. and I'm kind of attached to Giuseppe Rossi despite knowing nothing about him because he got into a Twitter snit and then was mature enough to realize he'd said something wrong and apologize. that's unusual. (plus, "mamma mia!" with accompanying eyeroll. hee!)

omg m b i meant to link you to this tweet of rio's, not the same tweet twice!

Nigel de Jong can go ahead and DIAF anytime. and if he ever lays a finger on my bb Silva in training, THERE WILL BE BLOOD. liking Man City definitely does not blind me to its flaws. :)

but I guess because I'm in it for the storyline, rather than the football as it were, the dressing room is kind of interesting to me even if it is a horrific warzone. I mean, the people there are intriguing even if they're not always appealing. Yaya Toure went to Man City for the money, sure. he went to Man City for the money, because his brother was there already and he knew they were good for it and the two of them have an enormous family that they have to support back home. Tevez has made a huge mess out of a situation that started basically because he wants to go home and be with his kids. Balotelli is... well, Balotelli. they're interesting. (but yeah, DIAF Nigel de Jong.)

part of it definitely is the Arsenal fans - twitter, tumblr and _fb, not in anyplace in particular - and their persecution complex, but the players have got it too, which sort of bugs me. Cesc is not always very mature about this stuff, and it's fine to be a bad loser etc but not in public, come on. I HATE THAT SEXIST FUCKER ARSHAVIN SO FUCKING MUCH, IF I HEAR ONE MORE PERSON FONDLY CALL HIM AN "ELF" SO HELP ME I WILL SNAP. I don't have anything against, say, Bendtner or van Persie or Wilshere, but they just don't appeal to me (well I think Nicklas is hilarious but apparently he is a brat) as much as the generation of Arsenal that's retired or been got rid of: Senderos, Lehmann, Ljungberg, Hleb, etc. idk. it's one of those emotional-not-logical things, for sure, but I just can't identify with Arsenal, and I've been trying all season.

Pep should just never leave us. keep signing one-year contracts into eternity please. (but even he is the first to say that if you don't win with it pretty football is useless.)

wounded. wounded to the quick. this is how you turn and bite the hand that feeds you?

heh. I don't dislike Mou because he's defensive. ~~I don't dislike him at all~~ I dislike him because he works for the enemy and he's A CRAZY PUPPET-MASTER but idgaf about tactics really. I like Barça's style because it works, not because it's the prettiest ever omg. but hee, Xavi. it's okay, Barça got him early, they brainwashed him good.

it's... hmm. yes, I missed out on Cesc's baby years, but also they've gotten rid of all his friends from when he was a baby. Senderos, Hleb and Flamini are all gone. Titi's gone. Freddie and Jens are gone. you know I'm a sucker for childhood friendships etc but Arsenal isn't as good at hanging onto them, or maybe I'm just coming in at the wrong time, or something. the dynamics aren't right for me for some reason, and then I get turned off when people try to point to something that I don't really see. Arsene definitely stamps out any signs of dissent, which is his job, as you say, but not the only way of doing it. honestly Mancini's willingness to just let them fight it out does baffle me a little, but I do think he sort of knows what he's doing, maybe. idk. he worked with Zlatan at Inter, he knows about big egos!

hee. after the second leg of Inter-Barça last year, Balotelli apparently got into a fight with Materazzi. Zlatan was on Mario's side. XDD

Nigel de Jong, omg, I could rant about this shit forever, but suffice it to say that when you've broken the legs of two players, karate-chopped a third during the WORLD CUP, and apologized to NONE of them, you have singlehandedly invented a TOTALLY NEW LEVEL OF FAIL.

I see what you mean about City being fascinating--I didn't know that about the Toure brothers, for example--but yeah, they just will never be the team for me. Every team has at least some dysfunction SOMEWHERE, yes, even Barca, but City's just got too much of it for my tastes, and while I respect their right to play whatever type of football they want, I don't particularly enjoy watching how they play. This is my personal preference, btw, I'm not attaching any kind of ~moral significance~ to it or whatever.

it's one of those emotional-not-logical things, for sure, but I just can't identify with Arsenal, and I've been trying all season.

That's totally fair! I haven't paid too much attention to Cesc's interviews/comments in the media, but yeah, he can be a little bitchy on occasion. (to be fair, I think the whole persecution thing is something that Wenger, if not outright encourages, doesn't do as much as he could to nip that shit in the bud. Everybody knows how you feel about the way City spends, Arsene, you don't need to bitch about it in the press all the time.) And while I may like a lot of the current Arsenal players, ARSHAVIN IS NOT ONE OF THEM, HOMG. It is delighting me to no end to see Theo Walcott apparently pushing him out of Arsenal's preferred starting XI, since Theo, as far as I know, has never been a creepy sexist asshat.

I don't have a single allergy (that I know of) and I break out into hives every time someone even hints about Pep leaving us. *clings* And yes, exactly, that's what's so fantastic about Barcelona--they took the way they played and MADE it wildly successful for them. That's the part that should be admired, imo. Barca's last two games since the break were against teams that parked a double-decker bus, and they busted their way through. It wasn't all that pretty, and God knows it was nerve-wracking for the fans, but they got the job done. To me, that's much more significant, and much more awesome in the long-term, than relatively easy 8-0 wins against weaker teams.

*wants a postcard*

Have fun!

They were together at Inter for a couple years! There was a leetle tension but Zlatan spoke up for him after a scuffle with Materazzi last year, so I think it could be good... Anyway, if they want to play together as Mario has said, I'M FOR IT. ("Visions of ~~sugarplums~~ trophies danced in her head...") And aww, yes, it would be adorable if he could play with Paloschi. Coincidentally, I'm also for Paloschi coming back to Milan. XD

This guy? XD And yes, I am totally keeping an eye on Malaga just to see what happens.

Well, the version in my head is kind of angsty because I don't know how to be nice to characters I like. ._. But shoot, you're right, for some reason I consistently age Iniesta up two or three years in my head. How is he still only twenty-six. o_o Anyway, that's only more "vaguely realistic fic idea" than actual prediction.

Santi and Silva are La Roja's cutest badasses. Like, they will throw down, no problem, and probably win against someone as tall as Zlatan or even Crouchie (then again, I could probably take spindly Crouchie).

What was the Rossi Twitter snit about?

Only in my case, it's accompanied by clawing at my face helplessly in horror.

LOL. Hopefully, I'll still be able to LOL (genuinely, not caustically or out of gallows humor) after the Man Utd. match of doom/gloom/rage/frustration/disappointment/embarrassment. Clutching my rosary, hoping for an upset, etc. for that match. Seriously, at the moment, being a culé and a Red is so bad for my emotional health, what with the weekly emotional whiplash. Highs and lows, indeed. But I cannot stop watching.

Just to confirm that I am just as suggestible as you think, and because this entire fic was basically your idea in the first place, here is the David Villa and Pepe Reina double-teaming Fernando Torres fic I've been promising to write.

I swear to God, at some point in my life, I had shame. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to pair Theo Walcott with yet another one of his teammates. No lie, that boy is like the perfect pair of heels--he goes with everything.

Seriously, at the moment, being a culé and a Red is so bad for my emotional health, what with the weekly emotional whiplash. Highs and lows, indeed.

Oh, do I feel you. I have honestly lost count of the number of times I've said this season, "Thank God for Barca" and meant it so much. I remember the weekend of el Clasico was basically a clusterfuck, football-wise--Liverpool lost, my backup EPL team either lost or drew, can't remember, and I needed a Barca win so bad, but wasn't convinced (then, at least) that I'd even get it. Hahaha. Little did I know. I'm kind of glad that match came last, it meant I could ride the high for a little while longer before crashing back down to earth.

ADDENDUM: ROY HODGSON HAS BEEN FIRED. REPEAT: ROY HODGSON IS FIRED. FIRED FIRED FIRED ~~don't care if they say it was by "mutual agreement"~~ that man got SO FIRED.

Thank God, now maybe I can watch a Liverpool match w/o cringing.

Things that have happened so far, so I don't forget:

- Pirlo on Zlatan at Milan: "He also likes taking on Nesta and I at PlayStation, but unfortunately he struggles to win!"

where is the fic. WHERE.

- Hodgson finally got sacked and replaced with Dalglish so maybe Liverpool's days of trauma are over!

- Naturally it happened like two hours after I wrote Fernando's take on the season. *cough*

omg omg omg NESTA SCHOOLING ZLATAN AT PLAYSTATION. WHAT EVEN. YES YES YES WHERE IS THE FIC. (also hahaha at Pirlo being all "I can't understand why Zlatan has that reputation!" oh honey, you are so diplomatic. you played against him. you know where it comes from.)

:DDD as I was waiting at Victoria Station they were playing SkySports on the TV and one of the headlines was that Liverpool lost to ManU 1-0 and it was an unfortunate start for Dalglish and it honestly took me a minute before I realized OMG THEY MUST HAVE SACKED ROY THANK YOU BABY JESUS. but sadface to losing to ManU.

:DDD again.

:DDD

yet another service advisory notice

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Re: The sad thing about this comment is that this is the trimmed version.

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Oh, and before I forget, I wrote the Pepe/Villa/Fernando threesome

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ROY DONE GOT FIRED, YO

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Re: ROY DONE GOT FIRED, YO