I'm a sheep

[meretricula]

oblig tennis comment: YAYYYYY RAFA ILU FOREVER and NOOOOOO FERRU BITCH YOU BETTER NOT RETIRE I'M NOT DONE WITH LOVING YOU

ganked from various but originally willowcabin

Comment with a pairing and I will tell you:

who is the big spoon/little spoon
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
who uses all the hot water in the morning
what they order from take out
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
who does most of the cleaning
what has a season pass in their DVR
who controls the netflix queue
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
who steals the blankets
who leaves their stuff around
who remembers to buy the milk
who remembers anniversaries

any pairing from any fandom I've been in, however long ago!

Comments

[justkisa.livejournal.com]

huh, wow, it's certainly not something I'd ever heard before (though, like I said, I wasn't really paying attention!). And I never would have guessed watching him play, though, admittedly, I only ever watched him play every once and a while when he played for Valencia.

I do think the thing with Joe/Adam/Barry (and maybe Shay Given?) last year was on a break and I believe it became a big deal because a) they got caught on video and b) Mancini made a really big deal about it - I'd have to look back at the articles from that time to be sure though

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

ooh, too many choices! gonna go with all three of the baby dream team :)

who is the big spoon/little spoon
Functionally speaking, Gerard is always the big spoon and Leo is almost always the little spoon, because that's the way it was before Cesc came home and they're the most comfortable like that. For a little while they tried to put Cesc in the middle, but waking up with Gerard Pique and Leo Messi wrapped around you feels kind of like being strangled to death by a very heavy python. So now Leo has to be in the middle again, and he actually likes it. Cesc thinks that's weird but convenient. They've never tried putting Gerard in the middle. He has to be on the end so they can shove him off the bed when he starts humping things in his sleep.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Playing with their cousins. It doesn't actually matter whose cousins. They don't really talk about it but when they retire they all want a whole house full of kids.

who uses all the hot water in the morning
Technically Leo, but it's not his fault! One or both of the others always insist on getting into the shower with him to wash his hair because he doesn't bother if left to his own devices, and then things tend to get out of hand.

what they order from take out
Cesc and Gerard love sushi. Leo is a spoiled brat and only ever wants Argentine food. It works out closer to 50-50 than 66-33, so Leo actually wins that argument more often than he should.

what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Gerard thinks he is a god of fashion. Cesc vehemently disagrees. Eventually they call a truce and gang up on Leo, who knows he's a fashion disaster and would really like to be left alone about it. This fight always ends in Leo having to get a haircut and he hates getting haircuts.

who does most of the cleaning
Cesc in the day-to-day stuff; Gerard when someone is coming over. Leo has never lived anywhere without his mother or brothers picking up after him. He doesn't mean to be a slob, but he kind of is.

what has a season pass in their DVR
A bunch of really awful English shows Cesc is addicted to. Gerard watches them with him sometimes. Leo will sit down with him, but within fifteen minutes he either falls asleep or wanders off.

who controls the netflix queue
Gerard. Cesc gets to pick what television they watch, so it's only fair. Leo doesn't care; his attention span isn't long enough for a half-hour sitcom, let alone a two-hour movie.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Gerard. Cesc is kind of flaky about stuff like that, and Leo probably wouldn't make the connection between being cold and something being wrong with the heat.

who steals the blankets
Cesc. The Gerard-and-Leo conglomerate of limbs is suffocatingly hot and he needs to get a little space sometimes, but then the other side of the bed is cold.

who leaves their stuff around
Leo. He just never really thinks about it, and nobody has ever told him to stop. Gerard is used to putting his things away for him, but Cesc gets frustrated and yells if he leaves his bag out where someone (i.e. Cesc) could trip over it.

who remembers to buy the milk
Cesc. He needs it to put in his tea. Gerard doesn't really drink it, and Leo has never gone grocery shopping in his life.

who remembers anniversaries
Leo, weirdly enough. He can't remember to put on matching socks half the time but he remembers every last one of their firsts. The only problem is that while he knows what day their anniversary is, he doesn't always know what day today is...

[the-beanster.livejournal.com]

Omg, this is adorable! I was gonna point out what I liked but...everything? I love that your pique takes care of Shakira bc his mom taught him to.

[the-beanster.livejournal.com]

This is both adorable and all kinds of funny. I love that your messi is basically incapable of taking care of himself (he can only think about football, of course) and geri already knows this but cesc is just figuring it out. And now I kinda want fic of them being all domestic...

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

haha I can't believe you ever remembered that! Sparrington coming right up. :D

who is the big spoon/little spoon
Norrington doesn't believe in spooning. Jack has taken to sneaking into his bedroom and snuggling up behind him in his sleep just to spite him.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
They both enjoy the whole "I'm going to arrest you!" "nanana no you're not!" "yes I am!" "well I'll just break out of prison!" dance, but it's really just foreplay when you think about it. They do like playing chess, too.

who uses all the hot water in the morning
Norrington. He would be all too happy to sacrifice that, though, if he could just persuade Jack to bathe.

what they order from take out
Heeeeere, fishie fishie, heeeeere... (Fried fish.)

what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Jack leaves kohl smeared all over Norrington's sheets. Norrington would try harder to make him wash it off before bed if he didn't find the eyeliner disturbingly sexy.

who does most of the cleaning
Hahahahahahaha like Jack ever cleans.

what has a season pass in their DVR
Well, assuming they lived in a century when television existed... Norrington would watch DIY home improvement shows and the History Channel. Jack would be super into Project Runway and America's Next Top Model. Tyra Banks is his spirit animal. (Or possibly the other way around.)

who controls the netflix queue
Officially Norrington, but Jack goes in and changes it all to porn if he thinks they've been watching too many documentaries lately, and switches the password so Norrington has to ask nicely to have him change it back.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Jack. Norrington thinks he can fix it himself. He's wrong.

who steals the blankets
Well, technically they're Norrington's blankets, so just by using them at all Jack is stealing them... he's surprisingly considerate, though. He claims he just doesn't want to be stabbed in his sleep by a shivering commodore.

who leaves their stuff around
Jack. And in really weird places, too. Norrington is mostly sure he does it just to fuck with him, but there's also the slight but not insignificant possibility that he genuinely did just forget a ruby ring in the good teapot, a hair ornament pinned to the collar of Norrington's second-best dress uniform, an illustrated translation of the 1001 Arabian Nights in the bathroom...

who remembers to buy the milk
Neither. Norrington has a housekeeper, and Jack doesn't believe in beverages without rum in them.

who remembers anniversaries
Norrington will remember the glorious moment when he properly captures the elusive Jack Sparrow and sends him to the gallows for the rest of his life, he's sure. It just hasn't happened yet.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

someone else asked for my darlingest of darlings too, so you get the teensy MCFC couple! :)

who is the big spoon/little spoon
A bit of each, really. In the usual swing of things Kun likes face-to-face cuddling (I mean, Silva's eyes, would you ever turn down the opportunity to soulfully gaze into them?) and he particularly enjoys the fact that he can just tuck Silva's head under his chin and go to sleep. There are not that many people are smaller than he is, so he's taking the opportunity while it presents itself. However, when Silva's in one of his pissy moods that's not exactly safe. So then he waits until Silva has stomped off to bed, gets in on the other side, and sneakily inches his way over until he's plastered against his back, and after this ridiculously complicated dance Silva almost never boots him out. He'd eviscerate anyone who suggested this to his face, but he kind of likes the way Kun tries to snuggle him out of his tantrums. The only time Silva is the big spoon is when he's upset instead of mad. Like when Kun's hurt. Kun's always too frustrated to appreciate it at the time, but it's actually really nice to have someone babying him for a change.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Football. It's not necessarily all that much fun as a twosome activity, though. Kun is genuinely freaked out by how psychotically competitive Silva can get even over five-a-side, if they're on different teams. But it's fantastic when they're playing together. (So long as they win.)

who uses all the hot water in the morning
Silva, but as far as Kun's concerned that is totally all right, because he's bad after the epic shower, but he is a murderous nightmare without it. Silva is just not a morning person. At all. Kun tries to avoid speaking to him before breakfast.

what they order from take out
Not a whole lot, really. Japanese and Italian, staples of the professional athlete, but if they're not eating at the training ground Silva always wants to go home and eat his mom's cooking. Kun would do the exact same thing if his mom lived with him, so he doesn't complain much.

what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Pablo's attention. It's ridiculous because obviously Pablo is friends with both of them and he doesn't play favorites, but they're both really possessive people and each of them thinks in his heart of hearts that Pablo should be his friend first.

who does most of the cleaning
Kun, but only because it's mostly his mess. Silva is preternaturally tidy.

what has a season pass in their DVR
They watch all of Barcelona's matches together, in total silence. Silva watches Valencia and Kun watches Atleti, but they'll talk through those matches, eat something, yell about Quique or whatever. Barcelona? Not a word. When the match is over they turn off the television and don't even mention it again.

who controls the netflix queue
Kun. Silva doesn't really care what they watch, so it's mostly kid movies for Benjamin.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Let's be real. They call the club, and the club sends someone to take care of it. If one of them tried to do it they'd be doing an interpretative dance over the phone.

who steals the blankets
Kun never notices him doing it, but somehow he always wakes up shivering while Silva's wrapped up snug as a bug. Silva's a sneaky little fucker.

who leaves their stuff around
Kun. He's not really messy except in comparison to Silva, who never seems to put anything down anywhere that isn't where it belongs. It is actually impossible to be that neat when you have a kid.

who remembers to buy the milk
Kun, but only for Benjamin. He doesn't really drink it himself and neither does Silva. But his kid needs strong bones!

who remembers anniversaries
It's still a little early for that! Kun's good at anniversaries in general, though. He's got more relationship experience than Silva does. Silva's more likely to remember the first game they played together than their first date.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

my favorites!!! saving the best for last. :)

who is the big spoon/little spoon
Victor is the big spoon. Because he's bigger. And because they established the pattern back when it was platonic cuddling and Victor was subbing in for Andres' mom so he'd stop crying himself to sleep every night. (The period between Victor hitting the perma-boner part of puberty and Andres figuring out what his dick was for was an extremely awkward one for precisely this reason.)

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Going to the beach! Victor loves wind-surfing. Andres is not particularly into it, but he'll watch Victor, and he likes swimming and splashing around with the dogs. Victor makes sure he slathers himself with waterproof SPF-90 before they head out, though.

who uses all the hot water in the morning
Victor's grooming regime is quite time-consuming, it must be said. But Andres showers before he does, so it doesn't really matter.

what they order from take out
Whatever Andres wants. He's a fussy eater and Victor isn't, so it's easier that way.

what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Victor wants to go bungee-jumping. Andres thinks this is the dumbest idea he's ever heard. (It's kind of a moot point, since dangerous leisure activities are forbidden in their contracts anyway.)

who does most of the cleaning
Andres, sort of. Victor doesn't notice things need cleaning on his own, but if he sees Andres tidying up he'll get up and help.

what has a season pass in their DVR
Nature and extreme sports shows for Victor. Andres doesn't really watch anything except the news.

who controls the netflix queue
Victor, mostly because Andres doesn't care. Victor's got better taste in films, too.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Andres. Victor has this "I can tough it out" attitude that is really not helpful when it comes to home maintenance.

who steals the blankets
Neither, really. They're both quiet sleepers, and they're used to sharing with each other. Andres rolls himself up in the blankets if he's sleeping alone, though. He gets cold.

who leaves their stuff around
Both of them, Victor probably a little more than Andres. It never gets that messy, but their place definitely looks lived-in.

who remembers to buy the milk
Victor. He does more of the cooking, so he's the one who gets groceries. (He's also marginally less likely to get recognized and stopped for autographs in the store.)

who remembers anniversaries
They don't really have any? They've been part of each other's lives for fifteen years. There wasn't a big epiphany moment when they decided they were in love and should go out together. They just kind of grew into it together.

[justkisa.livejournal.com]

Silva almost never boots him out. He'd eviscerate anyone who suggested this to his face, but he kind of likes the way Kun tries to snuggle him out of his tantrums.

yes this exactly, Kun can snuggle him and he sort of secretly likes it but nobody had better mention it (or, worse yet, try it themselves - fast trip to a shallow grave that)

[sanzina89.livejournal.com]

THIS. IS. SO. SO. SO. PERFECT.

I wish I could comment with more words, but I simply can't, you have already said everything there's to say on this matter! :')

Now I need new domestic fics about them even more XDDD *____________*♥♥♥

I'm grinning like mad, if tonight I don't dream anything about this (your domestic AJ/D canon is almost identical to mine ♥) I will be disappointed!

<333

[dreamofthem.livejournal.com]

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Going to the beach! Victor loves wind-surfing. Andres is not particularly into it, but he'll watch Victor, and he likes swimming and splashing around with the dogs.

Shut up. This is adorable. I just have one question for you: where is the adorable, domestic, calming and comforting platonic or romantic boyfriend shenanigans Victor/Andres fic that you should clearly be writing?? I mean you write us gorgeous angsty V/A fic and make us all fall for them and then DENY US THE HAPPY CUDDLES. Just sayin'. You know. I'll be over here, cheerleading/fangirling. Okay bye! \o/ <3

[skadenfryd.livejournal.com]

hullooo, sorry for randomly popping in, but if you're willing- I'd love to see what you come up with for Zlatan/Sandro, or even Zlatan/Maxwell :)

[skadenfryd.livejournal.com]

They've never tried putting Gerard in the middle. He has to be on the end so they can shove him off the bed when he starts humping things in his sleep.

Hahahahahaha. So believable.
This was hilarious and oh-so-adorable.

[skadenfryd.livejournal.com]

aww, the spooning is canon. SO CANON. :'D

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

basically ever since finding out that Pique is NOTORIOUS for having no control of his dick and popping boners at inappropriate moments, I need to put this into all of the fic. EL PIQUETON!!!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

~furtive glance~

ok don't tell anyone

but

you're going to like ibuyu's Chanukah present from me.

KEEP IT SECRET, KEEP IT SAFE

[dreamofthem.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D

[tinymich.livejournal.com]

I just saw this! You are hilarious and awesome - thanks for filling the prompt!

in Other Things I Just Saw Today news (Twitter blocked at work + 15-hr workdays for a whole month = CAN'T KEEP UP), Shaki is already calling them her inlaws. I don't know how - I WOULD GET HIVES. In fact, I am already clawing at my own skin just THINKING about it. *shudder* But um, good for her? them?

Do you think they live in his place? Didn't she buy some massive house for both of them to live in?

Also, based on the photographic evidence, I actually think Montse, and not Geri, is the one trying to teach Shaki the basics of Catalan cuisine. I bet she's an enthusiastic learner, and Montse is indulgent and finds Shaki's messups rather endearing. Sometimes Geri drops in and tries to learn along with them, but he gets distracted halfway through and ends up drifting off to do something else instead, and Puyi's not there to yell at him to focus, soooo.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

apparently it is totally normal in Catalan culture to refer to boyfriend/girlfriend's family as "in-laws", _fcb_ already had their spazz-out over this XD Pique's dad called her his daughter-in-law in a press conference or something like that. HOW CUTE ARE PIQUE'S PARENTS WITH SHAKIRA, BTW. CANNOT COPE WITH ADORABLENESS ON TWITTER. also, she is definitely way too good for him and his parents totally know it. HANG ON TO THIS ONE, GERARD, SHE'S A KEEPER.

did she? idk, my canon knowledge of Shaki's doings is not the greatest, but I don't thiiiiiink he's moved out of his place. largely because he hasn't tweeted about it. XDDD lololol anyway! maybe this is before she bought her house. ~handwave of plot inconsistencies~

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

haha, sorry for taking so long about this! just found the comment notification in my inbox again. XD ZLATAN/MAXWELL FOREVER, THEY ARE CANON IN MY HEART.

who is the big spoon/little spoon
Maxwell is the big spoon! Because facts! Which Zlatan has graciously seen fit to tell us! And also despite his massive size Zlatan is not really great at cuddling people. He prefers it when other people focus their attention on him and he doesn't have to do any work.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
The easy answer would be football, but actually it's playing with their children. Maxwell knows exactly how whipped he is and he doesn't mind it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't find it amusing to watch Zlatan bend over backwards to keep his sons happy.

who uses all the hot water in the morning
You think Maxwell's hair gets that beautiful by accident?

what they order from take out
Pizza. Don't even talk to Zlatan about dieting. It won't end well.

what is the most trivial thing they fight over
"Real men have sons"? Oh really. Maxwell likes this fight a lot. It always ends with him bending Zlatan over something and fucking him until he can't come up with any more supposedly witty comebacks.

who does most of the cleaning
Neither. They make enough money to hire a cleaning service, and Zlatan never wants to see someone he loves stuck doing domestic chores ever again. He really will scream if he sees Maxwell washing something. And it's not like it would ever occur to him to tidy up after himself, either.

what has a season pass in their DVR
Ajax games for Maxwell, even though Zlatan yells at the television about how crap they are without him. And extreme sports for Zlatan.

who controls the netflix queue
Maxwell. Zlatan bitches about how he never picks good movies. Maxwell ignores him.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Maxwell. Zlatan would just threaten to dropkick him or sleep with his sister and Maxwell kind of doesn't want to be evicted.

who steals the blankets
Zlatan gets cold really easily, but it's easier to cuddle up against Maxwell than drag the blankets away. So neither, really.

who leaves their stuff around
Sometimes Zlatan, but mostly the kids.

who remembers to buy the milk
Zlatan. He wants his boys to have strong bones! Real men have sons without osteoporosis!

who remembers anniversaries
Real men don't remember anniversaries! (Zlatan always makes dinner on their anniversary. It's the only time he cooks. But he pretends it's not for a special occasion so shhhh, don't tell anyone.)