meretricula (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meretricula) wrote2011-12-04 05:21 pm
meretricula) wrote2011-12-04 05:21 pm
I'm a sheep
oblig tennis comment: YAYYYYY RAFA ILU FOREVER and NOOOOOO FERRU BITCH YOU BETTER NOT RETIRE I'M NOT DONE WITH LOVING YOU
ganked from various but originally![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
willowcabin
Comment with a pairing and I will tell you:
who is the big spoon/little spoon
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
who uses all the hot water in the morning
what they order from take out
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
who does most of the cleaning
what has a season pass in their DVR
who controls the netflix queue
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
who steals the blankets
who leaves their stuff around
who remembers to buy the milk
who remembers anniversaries
any pairing from any fandom I've been in, however long ago!
ganked from various but originally
willowcabinComment with a pairing and I will tell you:
who is the big spoon/little spoon
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
who uses all the hot water in the morning
what they order from take out
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
who does most of the cleaning
what has a season pass in their DVR
who controls the netflix queue
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
who steals the blankets
who leaves their stuff around
who remembers to buy the milk
who remembers anniversaries
any pairing from any fandom I've been in, however long ago!
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Theo/Gareth:
who is the big spoon/little spoon
Gareth is almost always the big spoon, for obvious reasons. but sometimes when he's upset he'll go to bed by himself and curl up on his side, and then Theo will give him a little time and crawl in after him and hug him from behind.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
they would both say videogames, but it's actually kicking a football around in the backyard.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Gareth. it's not his fault, okay! he has hair to wash and Theo doesn't and he needs to condition his or it gets frizzy and Theo has a ridiculously small water heater!
what they order from take out
sushiiiiii even though Gareth secretly doesn't really like it because raw fish freaks him out so he always gets the california rolls or something with eel or prawns because they cook them first.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
WALCOTT TO SPURS TROLOLOLOLJACK WILSHERE IS THE DEVILum, probably playstation.who does most of the cleaning
Gareth, and he's super passive-aggressive about it, too.
what has a season pass in their DVR
some British reality TV show. maybe their version of Dancing With the Stars? I feel like that could be a halfway-decent compromise between Theo's desire for something halfway artistic and Gareth's desire to just shut off and watch something stupid.
who controls the netflix queue
Gareth, but mostly just because Theo can never remember that sort of thing. and then bitches when Gareth gets movies he doesn't want to watch. most of the time Gareth knows what Theo would like and he gets it for him, but sometimes he just wants a movie he wants to see, goddammit.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Gareth again! basically you can see a trend about who's the functional adult in this relationship.
who steals the blankets
you would think Theo, but actually Gareth is the human equivalent of a heat-seeking missile and he will alternate between smothering Theo and rolling himself up like a burrito in all the blankets when Theo shoves him off. he completely denies doing this when Theo kicks him awake to get the blankets back.
who leaves their stuff around
Theo, mostly. he doesn't mean to, he just never thinks about it. when Gareth leaves stuff at Theo's place, he thinks about it for a really long time and deliberately chooses where exactly he's going to leave something for maximum GARETH BALE WAS HERE SO
JACK WILSHEREINTERLOPERS BEWARE effect.who remembers to buy the milk
Gareth. he actually brings over a pint when he's planning to stay the night at Theo's because he knows Theo will never have any in the fridge that hasn't gone off yet.
who remembers anniversaries
Gareth always remembers, but he feels awkward making a fuss about them because he worries it's only a big deal to him. Theo is pretty good about it, though. and his big sister reminds him when he doesn't remember on his own.
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LOLOLOL GARETH AND HIS NOT SO SNEAKY PLOTS TO MAKE EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY JACK WILSHIRE, BACK THE EFF OFF. Interlopers beware indeed. (And now you've got me imagining Theo crawling into bed to comfort an upset Gareth and my heart, it's cracking all over the goddamn place.)
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Rafa is the little spoon. he kicks in his sleep. it's safer this way.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
predictably, playstation. except Rafa is kind of terrible even though he plays all the time and so they have to take long breaks frequently so Rafa will remember he doesn't actually hate Nole.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Rafa. he'd say it's because he misses being in the water or some bullshit like that but basically he's cold a lot of the time and he likes getting the bathroom appropriately warm and steamy.
what they order from take out
Rafa orders everything that has ALL THE GLUTEN and laughs at Novak's diet. Novak sulks.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
football. I'd say playstation but with Rafa playstation is sometimes a matter of life and death.
who does most of the cleaning
Novak. Rafa is a total slob and doesn't even notice.
what has a season pass in their DVR
La Liga and Serie A!
who controls the netflix queue
Rafa. and he never orders anything except musicals.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Novak. Rafa would just shiver and sulk.
who steals the blankets
Rafa. he's from a tropical climate, he is used to being warm! Novak grew up on a ski slope, he can handle the cold, so he needs to stop bitching.
who leaves their stuff around
if Rafa leaves his racket bag and sneakers out where Novak can trip over them one more time...
who remembers to buy the milk
Rafa. if he doesn't have milk he can't have hot chocolate! that would be horrible! even if he isn't anywhere near to out of milk, he'll buy it, just in case.
who remembers anniversaries
Novak. Rafa is not really good at remembering dates. this annoys Novak, especially when Rafa can remember the exact score of every match they've played against each other. Rafa doesn't really get why it's a big deal; he figures if they're going to be together for the rest of their lives it's kind of silly to keep track of the numbers.
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Javi used to be the big spoon because duh, but then fucking Ander made some comment in the dressing room and Iker got really pissed off because he can totally be the big spoon, stop being so damn sizeist Ander, so now Javi is the designated cuddle-ee. He mostly likes it except Iker always wakes him up really early with a fucking boner poking him in the back and while he appreciates the morning sex, sometimes he would like to just sleep in as late as possible.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Football. Closely followed by football-related videogames. They are single-minded people.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Whichever of them gets there first. Javi because he really likes hot showers, and Iker because he's getting Javi back for all the cold showers. (He may also be subtly campaigning for a shared shower system.)
what they order from take out
Japanese! But mostly they just eat out. Neither of them is particularly domestic.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Iker's whoring ways. (It actually does kind of bother Javi that Iker flirts so much, but he knows Iker's not going to stop so he tries to keep it as a joke.) Iker thinks Javi is just jealous on account of being such a terrible failure with women, and teases him accordingly.
who does most of the cleaning
...neither? They basically live in filth.
what has a season pass in their DVR
Sports, sports and more sports.
who controls the netflix queue
Iker, and he's always ordering weird indie movies that are basically snuff films so that he can embarrass Javi by making him watch them.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Javi. He's kind of a delicate flower. He doesn't like being cold.
who steals the blankets
Javi, as noted above, is not a fan of the cold.
who leaves their stuff around
Both of them, but Iker is worse. Half his crap is just lying around in Javi's house. But at least this gives him an excuse to come over all the time to "get his stuff back"!
who remembers to buy the milk
Nobody. Living in squalor, remember?
who remembers anniversaries
Javi. Ander and Amorebieta try to remind Iker so he doesn't get caught out by it, though.
THIS IS FLAWLESS. <3
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Ferru is the little spoon. Because he's the cuddliest. (And also because Juanqui sleeps with his dogs when Ferru's away, so he's used to having something warm to wrap himself around.)
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Ferru loves going for long runs together. Juanqui is less thrilled with this, but it makes David happy, so he does it anyway.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Juan Carlos believes in appreciating the little things in life. And anyway hot water is wasted on David, he's determined to be Spartan and takes minute-long cold showers most of the time.
what they order from take out
Nom nom tapas! But when they're both at home they like to cook.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Clothes. Ferru would wear sweat pants and a t-shirt for the rest of his life if he could get away with it. Juanqui thinks it isn't asking too much for him to dress like a civilized human being on occasion.
who does most of the cleaning
David when he's home, but the rest of the time Juanqui cheats and has a cleaning lady come. Life is too short to pick up your own socks.
what has a season pass in their DVR
They're Spanish. Football, of course. And Juanqui likes to watch golf, too. Ferru secretly thinks that this is the most boring sport imaginable.
who controls the netflix queue
Juan Carlos. David isn't around for long enough at a time to make it worthwhile.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Juan Carlos is the landlord. XD He's the one who calls the maintenance guy, though.
who steals the blankets
Ferru's a burrower. Juanqui thinks it's cute, mostly. (Anything is cute for a week. They're going to have fights about it when David retires, though.)
who leaves their stuff around
Juan Carlos. It's his damn place. He can leave his stuff wherever he damn well wants. It's not his fault that Ferru's an obsessive-compulsive neat freak.
who remembers to buy the milk
Neither of them really drinks it. Juanqui picks it up in the winter so Ferru can sneak hot chocolate when his coach isn't looking, though.
who remembers anniversaries
It's kind of fifty-fifty, but somehow they never both forget at the same time. And then they have a passive-aggressive fight over whether whoever forgot this time is really committed to the relationship. After a couple years of that, they're not huge fans of anniversaries. They just try to do a special dinner whenever they're both in the same place for a few days.
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AJ/Silva? (if you ship them. I don't actually know...)
Predictable, moi?
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Silva is the little spoon. He used to get really cranky about it because oh yes, haha, he is very little, this is fucking hilarious, Johnson, GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH, so Adam would wait until he was asleep and then cuddle up behind him. And then Silva kind of started to like it. But shhh, don't tell anyone.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Football, of course!
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Adam. He's used to living alone and it makes him kind of inconsiderate about things like that.
what they order from take out
Whatever is allowed on their diet regimens, mostly Italian and Japanese. Adam used to try and get Spanish food for Silva, but Silva's opinion of the Spanish food in Manchester is not high, and he always points out they could just go to his house and eat his mother's cooking instead. Adam thinks Silva's family is nice and all, but they're kind of intimidating and if they go to Silva's house the chance he can talk Silva into sexytimes drops to zero.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Meal times. Adam wants to eat dinner before ten o'clock, okay? That is just not on. And the fact that David is always, always, always late.
who does most of the cleaning
Silva's mom. Adam's place, devoid of this feminine touch, looks like a hurricane just hit.
what has a season pass in their DVR
La Liga, which Adam secretly isn't too thrilled about. It makes him worry that maybe Silva misses it.
who controls the netflix queue
Silva. Adam could never remember to make sure everything came with Spanish subtitles, and Silva finally got fed up with him. So now they watch really random films, because Silva can't always understand the summaries when he orders them.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Adam. Silva's English makes communicating with the locals an exercise in mime.
who steals the blankets
Silva. He's from the Canary Islands. England is FUCKING COLD. He needs those blankets, Adam Johnson, go get some more if you want them so bad.
who leaves their stuff around
Adam. He's really terrible about it, Silva yells at him all the time.
who remembers to buy the milk
Adam. Silva doesn't really drink it.
who remembers anniversaries
Both of them, but Adam is always the first one to mention it. Silva doesn't want to admit he remembers, just in case Adam has forgotten. He doesn't like the possibility that he cares more than Adam does; then he would be losing. (Adam tries and fails to point out that a relationship is not a competition. To Silva, everything is a competition.)
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
They mostly stay on their own sides of the bed while they're awake--Kaidoh gives off heat like a mini-furnace and it gets uncomfortably hot really fast. But he's also an unconscious cuddler, so Inui wakes up a lot of the time in the middle of the night with Kaidoh pressed up against his back and wrapped all around him. Sometimes he untangles himself and goes back to sleep. Sometimes he kicks off the blanket and just deals with the overheating.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Long, long runs. It's the only activity they're guaranteed to be alone together for the whole time. Nobody else can keep up.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Kaidoh Kaoru, secret hedonist. Everyone assumes he bathes in ice water, and Inui never disabuses them, but he always makes sure he gets in the shower first.
what they order from take out
They don't. Kaidoh is suspicious of secret ingredients and chemical additives after all the Inui juice, so he cooks. Inui is banned from entering the kitchen.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Kaidoh wants a puppy. Inui thinks that maybe they should start with a pet that comes with a slightly lower degree of responsibility, like a kitten.
who does most of the cleaning
Kaidoh. Left to his own devices, Inui would probably accidentally wall himself into his room with his own clutter and starve to death.
what has a season pass in their DVR
Cuddly animal specials on the Nature Channel for Kaidoh, science shows for Inui. And the Tennis Channel, for "research", by which they both mean ogling Rafael Nadal's ass.
who controls the netflix queue
Kaidoh. Inui lost his netflix privileges after he ordered a horror movie one time and lied about it being scary. (He was hoping for frightened cuddles, and getting the wrong end of a nightmare-induced flailing fit instead was probably punishment enough, but Kaidoh wasn't going to risk it.)
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Kaidoh. He's the more immediately intimidating of the two of them; when Kaidoh calls up, things tend to get taken care of faster. It's only people who stick around that realize Kaidoh is actually a marshmallow and Inui is really terrifying.
who steals the blankets
Kaidoh, if he's having a particularly restless night. And then he kicks them off the bed because he's too hot.
who leaves their stuff around
Inui takes "absent-minded genius" to an entirely new level.
who remembers to buy the milk
Kaidoh. He does all the grocery shopping. He doesn't trust Inui around food at any stage of the preparation.
who remembers anniversaries
Inui programs the dates into his computer and phone, and Kaidoh puts them on the physical calendar in the kitchen, so neither of them forgets. They have two anniversaries currently, the first time they went out together and the first time they played doubles. Inui's going to ask Kaidoh to marry him when he graduates from college, and then they'll have three.
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Predictably, Pique is the big spoon. He's a fantastic cuddler. Just bundles her up and snuggles in. The only downside is that given his, ahem, excitable nature, this leads to a lot of... well. Let's say Shakira gets poked awake in the middle of the night from time to time. But she doesn't need as much sleep as he does anyway, so usually she just takes that as an offer to get things started before he's fully conscious. Boners whenever you want them are half the fun of having a toyboy!
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
...does making out without actually having sex afterward count? Okay, okay. They both really like shopping and the beach. Gerard is including both of these facts in his formal presentation on why Shakira should officially live in Barcelona. There's tons of shops! And beaches! (And he lives there! Just, you know, a reminder.)
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Pique. It is absolutely ridiculous how much time he spends in the bathroom getting ready, and he won't even let Shakira come in until he's done putting himself together. She's pretty sure he's trying to maintain the illusion that he's naturally smooth in certain areas, which is obviously ridiculous. He's watched her shave her legs before and she has been up close and personal with his genitalia many, many times, so why he needs total privacy to shave his balls is beyond her.
what they order from take out
Pique's diet is a lot stricter than Shakira's, so she usually lets him get whatever kind of food he wants; she's not picky. They both like to eat out in nice restaurants when they can, and he's trying to teach her some really basic Catalan cooking, but neither of them is very good at it.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Shakira teases Pique sometimes about being a kept man. This usually ends in a tickle war and him carrying her off to bed to "earn his keep".
who does most of the cleaning
Pique. He still doesn't clean a lot, but it's his house and he likes to keep it reasonably neat in case his mother comes by. He would never, ever ask his girlfriend to clean up after him; if his mom ever found out she'd kill him. He won't even let Shakira wash dishes.
what has a season pass in their DVR
Football. Stereotypes aside, Shakira really does like snuggling on the couch and letting Geri explain what's happening to her. He watches her Colombian telenovelas with her, too, even though he can never follow what's going on, even when she tries to catch him up. Moral of the story: telenovelas are way more complicated than the offside rule.
who controls the netflix queue
Pique. His house, his DVDs. He mostly watches action films with his friends while she's gone; if she's home, they've got better things to do with their evenings than watch a movie.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Pique. Again, it's his house. If it were Shakira's she would take care of the maintenance, but when she's staying at Geri's he wants to make sure she's comfortable and doesn't have to lift a finger, and she doesn't exactly mind.
who steals the blankets
Pique is about twice Shakira's size, so he takes up more blanket than she does, but he's pretty much a human blanket himself, and he doesn't move once he's asleep.
who leaves their stuff around
It's pretty much even, but they're both so used to packing and unpacking all the time that nothing really gets misplaced. Pique kind of wishes Shakira would leave more stuff lying around his house, to be honest. It feels weirdly empty when she's on tour.
who remembers to buy the milk
Pique. His mother's training on the subject of not making his girlfriends keep house for him extends to grocery shopping.
who remembers anniversaries
Pique. It's only his second really serious relationship, and it's still all shiny and new and he's scared he's going to fuck it up somehow, so he's careful to do all the things like anniversaries right. Shakira thinks it's cute, but she's not really hung up on details the way he seems to think she is. She just wants to spend as much time with him as she can.
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Functionally speaking, Gerard is always the big spoon and Leo is almost always the little spoon, because that's the way it was before Cesc came home and they're the most comfortable like that. For a little while they tried to put Cesc in the middle, but waking up with Gerard Pique and Leo Messi wrapped around you feels kind of like being strangled to death by a very heavy python. So now Leo has to be in the middle again, and he actually likes it. Cesc thinks that's weird but convenient. They've never tried putting Gerard in the middle. He has to be on the end so they can shove him off the bed when he starts humping things in his sleep.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Playing with their cousins. It doesn't actually matter whose cousins. They don't really talk about it but when they retire they all want a whole house full of kids.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Technically Leo, but it's not his fault! One or both of the others always insist on getting into the shower with him to wash his hair because he doesn't bother if left to his own devices, and then things tend to get out of hand.
what they order from take out
Cesc and Gerard love sushi. Leo is a spoiled brat and only ever wants Argentine food. It works out closer to 50-50 than 66-33, so Leo actually wins that argument more often than he should.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Gerard thinks he is a god of fashion. Cesc vehemently disagrees. Eventually they call a truce and gang up on Leo, who knows he's a fashion disaster and would really like to be left alone about it. This fight always ends in Leo having to get a haircut and he hates getting haircuts.
who does most of the cleaning
Cesc in the day-to-day stuff; Gerard when someone is coming over. Leo has never lived anywhere without his mother or brothers picking up after him. He doesn't mean to be a slob, but he kind of is.
what has a season pass in their DVR
A bunch of really awful English shows Cesc is addicted to. Gerard watches them with him sometimes. Leo will sit down with him, but within fifteen minutes he either falls asleep or wanders off.
who controls the netflix queue
Gerard. Cesc gets to pick what television they watch, so it's only fair. Leo doesn't care; his attention span isn't long enough for a half-hour sitcom, let alone a two-hour movie.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Gerard. Cesc is kind of flaky about stuff like that, and Leo probably wouldn't make the connection between being cold and something being wrong with the heat.
who steals the blankets
Cesc. The Gerard-and-Leo conglomerate of limbs is suffocatingly hot and he needs to get a little space sometimes, but then the other side of the bed is cold.
who leaves their stuff around
Leo. He just never really thinks about it, and nobody has ever told him to stop. Gerard is used to putting his things away for him, but Cesc gets frustrated and yells if he leaves his bag out where someone (i.e. Cesc) could trip over it.
who remembers to buy the milk
Cesc. He needs it to put in his tea. Gerard doesn't really drink it, and Leo has never gone grocery shopping in his life.
who remembers anniversaries
Leo, weirdly enough. He can't remember to put on matching socks half the time but he remembers every last one of their firsts. The only problem is that while he knows what day their anniversary is, he doesn't always know what day today is...
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Norrington doesn't believe in spooning. Jack has taken to sneaking into his bedroom and snuggling up behind him in his sleep just to spite him.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
They both enjoy the whole "I'm going to arrest you!" "nanana no you're not!" "yes I am!" "well I'll just break out of prison!" dance, but it's really just foreplay when you think about it. They do like playing chess, too.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Norrington. He would be all too happy to sacrifice that, though, if he could just persuade Jack to bathe.
what they order from take out
Heeeeere, fishie fishie, heeeeere... (Fried fish.)
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Jack leaves kohl smeared all over Norrington's sheets. Norrington would try harder to make him wash it off before bed if he didn't find the eyeliner disturbingly sexy.
who does most of the cleaning
Hahahahahahaha like Jack ever cleans.
what has a season pass in their DVR
Well, assuming they lived in a century when television existed... Norrington would watch DIY home improvement shows and the History Channel. Jack would be super into Project Runway and America's Next Top Model. Tyra Banks is his spirit animal. (Or possibly the other way around.)
who controls the netflix queue
Officially Norrington, but Jack goes in and changes it all to porn if he thinks they've been watching too many documentaries lately, and switches the password so Norrington has to ask nicely to have him change it back.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Jack. Norrington thinks he can fix it himself. He's wrong.
who steals the blankets
Well, technically they're Norrington's blankets, so just by using them at all Jack is stealing them... he's surprisingly considerate, though. He claims he just doesn't want to be stabbed in his sleep by a shivering commodore.
who leaves their stuff around
Jack. And in really weird places, too. Norrington is mostly sure he does it just to fuck with him, but there's also the slight but not insignificant possibility that he genuinely did just forget a ruby ring in the good teapot, a hair ornament pinned to the collar of Norrington's second-best dress uniform, an illustrated translation of the 1001 Arabian Nights in the bathroom...
who remembers to buy the milk
Neither. Norrington has a housekeeper, and Jack doesn't believe in beverages without rum in them.
who remembers anniversaries
Norrington will remember the glorious moment when he properly captures the elusive Jack Sparrow and sends him to the gallows for the rest of his life, he's sure. It just hasn't happened yet.
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or silva/kun
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
A bit of each, really. In the usual swing of things Kun likes face-to-face cuddling (I mean, Silva's eyes, would you ever turn down the opportunity to soulfully gaze into them?) and he particularly enjoys the fact that he can just tuck Silva's head under his chin and go to sleep. There are not that many people are smaller than he is, so he's taking the opportunity while it presents itself. However, when Silva's in one of his pissy moods that's not exactly safe. So then he waits until Silva has stomped off to bed, gets in on the other side, and sneakily inches his way over until he's plastered against his back, and after this ridiculously complicated dance Silva almost never boots him out. He'd eviscerate anyone who suggested this to his face, but he kind of likes the way Kun tries to snuggle him out of his tantrums. The only time Silva is the big spoon is when he's upset instead of mad. Like when Kun's hurt. Kun's always too frustrated to appreciate it at the time, but it's actually really nice to have someone babying him for a change.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Football. It's not necessarily all that much fun as a twosome activity, though. Kun is genuinely freaked out by how psychotically competitive Silva can get even over five-a-side, if they're on different teams. But it's fantastic when they're playing together. (So long as they win.)
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Silva, but as far as Kun's concerned that is totally all right, because he's bad after the epic shower, but he is a murderous nightmare without it. Silva is just not a morning person. At all. Kun tries to avoid speaking to him before breakfast.
what they order from take out
Not a whole lot, really. Japanese and Italian, staples of the professional athlete, but if they're not eating at the training ground Silva always wants to go home and eat his mom's cooking. Kun would do the exact same thing if his mom lived with him, so he doesn't complain much.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Pablo's attention. It's ridiculous because obviously Pablo is friends with both of them and he doesn't play favorites, but they're both really possessive people and each of them thinks in his heart of hearts that Pablo should be his friend first.
who does most of the cleaning
Kun, but only because it's mostly his mess. Silva is preternaturally tidy.
what has a season pass in their DVR
They watch all of Barcelona's matches together, in total silence. Silva watches Valencia and Kun watches Atleti, but they'll talk through those matches, eat something, yell about Quique or whatever. Barcelona? Not a word. When the match is over they turn off the television and don't even mention it again.
who controls the netflix queue
Kun. Silva doesn't really care what they watch, so it's mostly kid movies for Benjamin.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Let's be real. They call the club, and the club sends someone to take care of it. If one of them tried to do it they'd be doing an interpretative dance over the phone.
who steals the blankets
Kun never notices him doing it, but somehow he always wakes up shivering while Silva's wrapped up snug as a bug. Silva's a sneaky little fucker.
who leaves their stuff around
Kun. He's not really messy except in comparison to Silva, who never seems to put anything down anywhere that isn't where it belongs. It is actually impossible to be that neat when you have a kid.
who remembers to buy the milk
Kun, but only for Benjamin. He doesn't really drink it himself and neither does Silva. But his kid needs strong bones!
who remembers anniversaries
It's still a little early for that! Kun's good at anniversaries in general, though. He's got more relationship experience than Silva does. Silva's more likely to remember the first game they played together than their first date.
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Victor is the big spoon. Because he's bigger. And because they established the pattern back when it was platonic cuddling and Victor was subbing in for Andres' mom so he'd stop crying himself to sleep every night. (The period between Victor hitting the perma-boner part of puberty and Andres figuring out what his dick was for was an extremely awkward one for precisely this reason.)
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
Going to the beach! Victor loves wind-surfing. Andres is not particularly into it, but he'll watch Victor, and he likes swimming and splashing around with the dogs. Victor makes sure he slathers himself with waterproof SPF-90 before they head out, though.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
Victor's grooming regime is quite time-consuming, it must be said. But Andres showers before he does, so it doesn't really matter.
what they order from take out
Whatever Andres wants. He's a fussy eater and Victor isn't, so it's easier that way.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
Victor wants to go bungee-jumping. Andres thinks this is the dumbest idea he's ever heard. (It's kind of a moot point, since dangerous leisure activities are forbidden in their contracts anyway.)
who does most of the cleaning
Andres, sort of. Victor doesn't notice things need cleaning on his own, but if he sees Andres tidying up he'll get up and help.
what has a season pass in their DVR
Nature and extreme sports shows for Victor. Andres doesn't really watch anything except the news.
who controls the netflix queue
Victor, mostly because Andres doesn't care. Victor's got better taste in films, too.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Andres. Victor has this "I can tough it out" attitude that is really not helpful when it comes to home maintenance.
who steals the blankets
Neither, really. They're both quiet sleepers, and they're used to sharing with each other. Andres rolls himself up in the blankets if he's sleeping alone, though. He gets cold.
who leaves their stuff around
Both of them, Victor probably a little more than Andres. It never gets that messy, but their place definitely looks lived-in.
who remembers to buy the milk
Victor. He does more of the cooking, so he's the one who gets groceries. (He's also marginally less likely to get recognized and stopped for autographs in the store.)
who remembers anniversaries
They don't really have any? They've been part of each other's lives for fifteen years. There wasn't a big epiphany moment when they decided they were in love and should go out together. They just kind of grew into it together.
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who is the big spoon/little spoon
Maxwell is the big spoon! Because facts! Which Zlatan has graciously seen fit to tell us! And also despite his massive size Zlatan is not really great at cuddling people. He prefers it when other people focus their attention on him and he doesn't have to do any work.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity
The easy answer would be football, but actually it's playing with their children. Maxwell knows exactly how whipped he is and he doesn't mind it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't find it amusing to watch Zlatan bend over backwards to keep his sons happy.
who uses all the hot water in the morning
You think Maxwell's hair gets that beautiful by accident?
what they order from take out
Pizza. Don't even talk to Zlatan about dieting. It won't end well.
what is the most trivial thing they fight over
"Real men have sons"? Oh really. Maxwell likes this fight a lot. It always ends with him bending Zlatan over something and fucking him until he can't come up with any more supposedly witty comebacks.
who does most of the cleaning
Neither. They make enough money to hire a cleaning service, and Zlatan never wants to see someone he loves stuck doing domestic chores ever again. He really will scream if he sees Maxwell washing something. And it's not like it would ever occur to him to tidy up after himself, either.
what has a season pass in their DVR
Ajax games for Maxwell, even though Zlatan yells at the television about how crap they are without him. And extreme sports for Zlatan.
who controls the netflix queue
Maxwell. Zlatan bitches about how he never picks good movies. Maxwell ignores him.
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
Maxwell. Zlatan would just threaten to dropkick him or sleep with his sister and Maxwell kind of doesn't want to be evicted.
who steals the blankets
Zlatan gets cold really easily, but it's easier to cuddle up against Maxwell than drag the blankets away. So neither, really.
who leaves their stuff around
Sometimes Zlatan, but mostly the kids.
who remembers to buy the milk
Zlatan. He wants his boys to have strong bones! Real men have sons without osteoporosis!
who remembers anniversaries
Real men don't remember anniversaries! (Zlatan always makes dinner on their anniversary. It's the only time he cooks. But he pretends it's not for a special occasion so shhhh, don't tell anyone.)