I have been trying and trying to think of any way to write Iker's harem that is not DEPRESSING AS FUCK now that they've basically all left him for pastures new, and it has finally come to me! everybody except Iker gets bodyswapped, right, so Thiago wakes up in David Lopez's body in Brighton, which would appeal to his hipster DNA except for how he doesn't speak English and has no clue what is going on and thus it is just terrifying, David Lopez wakes up in Manchester and you'd think he'd be better off because at least he's still in the same country, right? WRONG, BECAUSE DAVID LOPEZ IS NOT A GOALKEEPER. David De Gea is somehow in Ibai Gomez's place and he doesn't even really know Ibai so this is pretty awkward seeing the contents of his underwear drawer and all, poor Ibai is in motherfucking Germany and Javi's girlfriend doesn't believe him when he tries to tell her what happened, Javi is back in Bilbao which is really awkward, and Ander wakes up snuggled up with Rafinha and doesn't even get to "wait this isn't where I went to sleep, what just happened?" before he hits OH FUCK I'M IN BED WITH THIAGO'S BABY BROTHER THIAGO IS GOING TO MURDER ME I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE. but being Ander Herrera he maintains enough presence of mind to, wait for it, call his own cell phone, and once he gets in touch with Javi they manage to trace the circle of bodyswapping all the way back to Thiago in Brighton. (who by this time has recovered from his panic attack and is off taking Instagram photos along the boardwalk, because he is Thiago and a filthy hipster.) one very confusing conference call later they have reached the conclusion that the only thing they all have in common is Iker's dick, and dispatch De Gea and Javi (in Ibai and Ander's bodies) to retrieve their erstwhile sometime lover and find out what the hell he's done.
(I believe what he's done is somehow to get Fernando Amorebieta to grant a poorly-phrased wish about getting the people who've left him to come back, because I like to imagine Amore as a secret Venezuelan wizard. obviously the way to break the spell is for them all to have sex. while Amore is watching, because he's a pervert.)
TADA. a non-depressing bodyswap story about Iker's harem!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-09-30 10:41 pm (UTC)(I believe what he's done is somehow to get Fernando Amorebieta to grant a poorly-phrased wish about getting the people who've left him to come back, because I like to imagine Amore as a secret Venezuelan wizard. obviously the way to break the spell is for them all to have sex. while Amore is watching, because he's a pervert.)
TADA. a non-depressing bodyswap story about Iker's harem!