Lecherous

[meretricula]

it's been quite a while, but I felt that my Sylvie-beta deserved a present. So, I buckled down and wrote a few more paragraphs. Have fun, sweetie!

(It's been so long that I'm even providing a link to the last update... http://www.livejournal.com/users/meretricula/3086.html#cutid1 )

Lecherous:

Elrond returned to his office after lunch, his courage bolstered by a decent meal and a glass of wine. He was mildly surprised to see the door shut, but unfazed until he tried to open it. "Erestor?" he called. "Why is the door locked?"
"Who is it?" Erestor demanded sharply, from the other side of the sturdy oak door.
"Who is... what on earth has gotten into you, Erestor? It's Elrond! Now open this door!"
"Shh!" Erestor hissed. "How do you expect me to hide effectively if you insist on making such a racket?"
"Hide?" Elrond repeated. "From what?"
"From Glorfindel, of course," Erestor snapped. "Now hush! He's coming!"
Elrond sighed, and leaned against the door. "Erestor, are you feeling well? Paranoia is a sign of mental instability, as I'm sure you are aware. Now if you would be so kind as to let me in, and stop this ridicu--oh, hello, Glorfindel."
"Good afternoon, my lord," the blond replied cheerily. "Is Erestor in your office? I wrote a new song for him." Without further prompting, he burst into... melody would be perhaps too kind a word. Screeching would be more accurate. "Oh, most beautiful of advisors, I have lost my heart to you, and if you only knew what I would do--"
"You'll lose a lot more than that if you don't SHUT UP!"
"--just to touch you," Glorfindel continued, undaunted.
"I will castrate you before you lay one filthy paw on my body," Erestor snarled.
"Ah... Glorfindel," Elrond interposed, inwardly wincing. "I don't suppose that it has occurred to you that Erestor might simply not be interested in you?"
"Nonsense! He is only playing hard-to-get to spur me to new heights of romance in his courtship."
"If I were any harder to get, I'd be DEAD, you irritating, imbecilic, bleached-blond, tone-deaf minion of darkness!" Erestor shrieked. "Which part of 'not if you were the last elf left on this side of the sea and Sauron were about to destroy all of Middle-Earth' did you not understand?"
Glorfindel blinked. "Could you say that slower?"
There was an inarticulate howl of sheer rage on the other side of the door, and the sound of breakables hitting the wall, shattering, and falling into tinkling heaps on the floor. "Was that my brandy?" Elrond demanded, alarmed. "Erestor! Leave my liquor cabinet alone!"
"Get that delusional excuse for an obsessed, stalkerish composer of trite love-ballads out of hearing range, and your alcohol will be perfectly safe!" the advisor growled.
Elrond turned to Glorfindel. "I'm sure you understand. I cannot tolerate threats to my brandy supply."
"We shall take the office by force!" the blond declared enthusiastically.
"Not exactly." He seized his captain of the guard by the ear and hauled him down the corridor. "Please do your best to stay away from my office during business hours," Elrond said politely, and threw Glorfindel out. The blond elf landed on his posterior, and watched in stunned silence as Elrond slammed the door shut. There was the definite click of a bolt, a shuffling of footsteps, and then... silence.

Comments

[sylvie-the-elf.livejournal.com]

...

ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU!!!

[eala.livejournal.com]

Hey,when are you going to use my poetry? *mwah*

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

wuv you too.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

um... when I figure out a way to put scans on my lj. I want to do the poems properly. In purple ink, on pink paper, with bright red corrections. you can help write Erestor's comments. ~mwah right back!~

[sylvie-the-elf.livejournal.com]

There was actually meant to be a review after my profound profession of love, but the comment posted without me consciously letting it (as in, I accidently pressed some buttons and then it said "Success - your comment has been posted"). You may be able to detect my attempt at writing something more coherent by the preparation of a new paragraph after my random fangirl bit. Anyway. Onwards and upwards.

Very funny and Elfy, dear. Glorfindel is sweetly stupid, and I think the audience's sympathy would be with him rather than the long-suffering Erestor. Erestor fancies Elrond, yes (ooh, I hope I'm thinking of the right story...)? May I ask whether *you* know the final pairing(s)? ;-P

Oh, last thing. You vant zis unt the previous section beta'd?

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

i thought there might be more upcoming... and here it is! I'm psychic.

The audience... likes Glorfindel? ~blinks~ how odd. Yeah, Erestor fancies Elrond, although now that you mention it, I haven't done much with that. Then again, if I were Erestor I would be more worried about the crazy stalker than seducing my boss. And nope, I have NO IDEA how this is ending. Probably with three celibate elves bitching at each other.

Um... well, this fic isn't going anywhere... I just write it to see if I can. If you want to beta, you can, but I'd rather save it until I have something I can post somewhere else. Like, say, an ending.

Re: o_O *stares*

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

~blinks~ my lj contains almost nothing BUT slashy elffic. Although I do seem to have branched out into PotC and composerslash in recent months.

Re: so it is

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

E/G is the cutest. Of course, mine is the best. Because. Well, I wrote it. ~grin~

Re: self-pimpage is the best!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

~hugs~ ignore the idiots. they don't matter. especially critics. They're stoopid. And self-pimpage is lots of fun, anyways.

Re: definitely

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

it doesn't always work, unfortunately. The only way to make people read stuff is to hunt them down in the real world and shove a paper copy under their noses. And even then they get side-tracked. ~hmph~ silly people. especially the nonslashers. they make me laugh.

did I tell you about the girl at my school who ran into me one day and informed me that she hated a piece I wrote for the school writing magazine, because it contained mild (as in nearly nonexistent) slashy implications? why are so many people idiots...

[sylvie-the-elf.livejournal.com]

You're not psychic - you were just hoping for another of my Epic Reviews! (The mental voice that should be used in reading the prior sentence should be set on "sarcastic", by the way!)

Yes, I think the audience emphasises with Glorfindel. Because he's trying so hard and being so cute and dopey that we all go "awww". And Erestor is being a bitch about it with seemingly no motive *not* to go out with Glorfindel. So if you make Erestor whimper over Elrond for a bit in the future, the audience will go "oh, that's sort of okay then. But Glorfindel's still lovelyyyyyyyyyy!"

I have my fingers crossed for this ending: all three in bed together!!!

I may well beta what you have and save the beta'd versions until you want them. This cuts my work down into smaller chunks, as I can feel a huge Elf-fest is coming up in your fanfiction... ;>

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

wheee! Epic Reviews!!!

Glorfindel, Glorfindel... what would I do without my idiot blond. Well, when I get some pink stationery and figure out how to post pictures, you will see WHY Erestor hates him. "lj user = "eala"> wrote me some EXCELLENTly bad poetry. We will then write Erestor's revisions in pen red like bleeding.

I don't know if Erestor would whimper. He's strictly after Elrond's ass, not his heart, mind or soul. Because Erestor is a lech!

Maybe Elrond should fall in love with someone else. Blech. I like writing this story, but I have NO ideas... I don't like threesomes as a general rule, though. Glorfindel/Elrond, maybe? Because Erestor is such a bitch...

That'd be good, actually. When I release "Knight and Nightingale," I may have to spam my own lj by splitting it up into a zillion different parts. Eh, well. ~hearts the pretty beta~ luv you, dear!

Re: god i know...

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

not much... we got into an argument over whether or not slash was porn. Since this story contained a humorous lesbian reference, not anything angsty, serious, or indeed as explicit as a *kiss*, I was rather annoyed. But I am a perky, friendly schoolchild, and merely smiled and told her I respected her opinion.

I was less polite when my then sort-of-potential-boyfriend informed me I had no business corrupting Greek myths. ~coughs~ Couldn't make them dirtier if I took them mudbathing. Honestly...

Re: lmao!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

the answer to that would be... no. Because if he did, he wouldn't be talking about slash as the great evil of the world. Idiot Republican.

[sylvie-the-elf.livejournal.com]

Actually, after hearing that description I'm leaning towards... the threesome still, but Glorfindel/Elrond would be more than acceptable too. Maybe Haldir (or another slutty Galadhel) should visit Rivendell and exhaust Erestor, or one (or both... sorry, it seems as though I have a threesome fixation, dammit!) of the twins... I'm sorry, I will always love Erestor the best. I don't want him to be alone!

"Knight and Nightingale"? Is this the epic, or something else entirely? I love you too!

Re: amen!!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

well, after he stood me up and failed to properly apologize for weeks, yes. he was an asshole. But he had a nice butt. =P Unfortunately, even a very pretty rear view does not make up for being an opinionated "compassionate conservative." *coughoxymoroncough*

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

well, twins+other is acceptable in my sight... the one kind of threesome i really like. Will consider. or Haldir! Love slutty Galadhrim. Or Celeborn...

now have many ideas to consider! danke schoen, darling.

yup, King and Nightingale's the epic. ~wince~ Need to go write... don't want to...

[sylvie-the-elf.livejournal.com]

Quite alright, lovely.

Ohhh, "*King* and Nightingale". I like the title! Go write, you know you want to...

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

does it strike you as kind of funny that we're just batting comments back and forth at each other? we have so many threads going at once that by the time we're finished replying to one batch, there's another.

have to go make present of some sort for a friend, but I'll write as soon as my finals (EVIL finals...) are done. Promise!

[sylvie-the-elf.livejournal.com]

I know. I might as well go on AIM, but that would actually be admitting defeat on my Chemistry revision rather than just subtly realising I'll never get it done.

Good luck with finals! I'm only teasing when I nag, I hope you know that!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

hehehe! you have admitted defeat at last... chemistry is silly, but better than physics, I suppose.

You too! (I'm terrible at recognizing humor, sarcasm, or teasing, but you love me anyway, right? ~bats lashes~)

o_O *stares*

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

You write...slashy elffic! *claps hands*

so it is

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

I like E/G :))))

self-pimpage is the best!

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone would read my fics w/o self-pimpage. *mutters darkly* :D

~ abovedraco

Re: definitely

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

We must perfect oh-so-casual ways of reference, lol!

Re: god i know...

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

...so what if it did, anyway?! what did you say to her?

Re: lmao!

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

Does he even know any Greek myths, if he's making that sort of comment...

Re: amen!!

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

i suppose he stopped being potential BF material very quickly ;)