the king returns!

[meretricula]

king of what, I hear you ask? bizarre fandom conspiracy theories, of course!

(Poland was freezing cold and otherwise lovely. but that is not what this post is about.)

so I trust everyone has been watching life imitate fanfic as Gerard Pique recently got his ass on Twitter and immediately started harassing Cesc and Puyol. which could of course just be because he doesn't know anybody on twitter (this is not true; he had a bizarre yet affectionate exchange with Rio Ferdinand, reminding me yet again that Pique did actually have a life before Barcelona snatched him back to its bosom) and they're his best friends. OR!!! it could all be a cunning plot by Pique to remind Cesc of what he's missing back home, get him to reveal his innate Catalan-ness and love for Barcelona (by which I mean Pique and Puyol) to all his followers, and ultimately persuade Arsenal that Cesc belongs at Barcelona. I like to believe that this plot was actually thought up by Bojan, and Pique is merely following the Lolita's devious plans. (have I ever mentioned my private conviction Bojan is secretly an evil mastermind and intentionally caused the Pep-Zlatan schism by seducing them both so that Zlatan would have to transfer and give him more playing time?) of course Pique's attempts are doomed to failure but it's so cute that he's trying.

also I enjoy some of the facts that this recent explosion of tweets has provided us, such as Pique's apparently frequent drop-in dinner dates at Puyol's house. I realize that I'm the only person who thinks this, but how cute is it that Puyol found a girlfriend Pique's age? now Pique has a playmate! (look, if he's going to tweet alarmingly domestic things like "going to Puyi and Malena's place for dinner but she doesn't want to cook, I guess I'll have to do it myself," my mind is going to go to the happy threesome place, I'm sorry.) I'm just waiting for Pique to start tweeting Carlota. and for Leo to get on twitter, but let's face it, not even Pique could make Leo good at social media. he would rival Iniesta for the "most boring football tweeter on the planet" award. (not to be confused with the Ballon d'Or. Xavi is not on twitter yet either.)

and how about Alessandro Nesta finally getting over himself to kind of sort of maybe give the Zlatan a hug? BEHOLD:











(pictures via acchikocchi - THANK YOU DARLING - but her post is locked and these pictures are too glorious not to share.) FANDOM I AM WAITING. PRESENT ME WITH THE FIC ABOUT ZLATAN WOOING HIS BITCHY PRINCESS ALESSA WITH GOALS AND THE QUEST FOR THE SCUDETTO.

also? who wants to give me references about the two unhappy years at Barcelona right before Pep came back. which has nothing to do with my pet theory about Bojan masterminding a scheme to stop the dressing-room civil war by prostituting Leo and Andres to keep Ronnie and Sammy too distracted to fight with each other. of course. ~shifty eyes~ (yes, I have seen this article. which is kind of depressing when you read it with the knowledge of where Bojan was going to be in a year's time, i.e. still erratically scoring goals and mainly warming the bench. oh, Lolita.)

yuletide fic remains unwritten, haven't even started plotting my netcord fic though I did get so bored on the flight that I tried to remember some of the "five things" prompts for the same couple from way back when to write in my notebook, and I've been procrastinating by writing out my favorite scenes in the soulmates sequel. that's... kind of a fail. oh well.

Comments

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Pique does not post nearly enough stupid pictures on Twitter. He needs to learn from the baby Arsenals, who seem to do nothing but post stupid pictures.

(yuletide fic is legitimately happening! I've even got a very long flight on the 18th for extra writing time...)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

give him time! he's only been on twitter for a few days! I think sooner or later he'll give us a digital tour of Puyol's house. :D

(GO FOR IT!!! don't be a last-minute delinquent like me!)

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Oh good. :D Jack Wilshere just posted another picture of his dog looking ridiculous, so Pique has some catching up to do. (I really, really love the Arsenal babies on Twitter, if you haven't guessed. Jack and the baby goalkeeper especially. I think Jack is trying very hard to win Cesc's position as the player everyone likes...)

(I have already nearly 2000 words! It is SO ON.)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

I admit, he is somewhat handicapped by his lack of an adorable pet. maybe he should post pictures of Puyi's sheep? (I will admit, the pics of Cesc and his boys playing FIFA are quite charming. is it you or mardia who has a thing for Theo Walcott's thing for Cesc?)

haha I think I have about 200. need to catch up!

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

I would approve of pictures of sheep. Also, I did not know that Puyi had sheep. Sheep are inherently funny for me for some reason. (No, as adorable as it is! My thing is Philippe Senderos - who was watching the Arsenal-Fulham game from the stands with Cesc! - and currently the ridiculousness of the Arsenal Academy graduates on Twitter. can't wait until they grow up a little more and we have years of them acting stupid in front of cameras.)

I think academia's got me back into the groove of writing, or something. :P Or deadlines, that works too.

[jjhunter]

I'm doing a Yuletide pinch-hit, god help us all.

(Am assuming that you're on AO3--what pseud(s)? I'm 'Idhren'.)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

godspeed! :)

(I'm meretricula everywhere.)

[jjhunter]

gotcha. I look forward to the big reveal!

(btw, do you read crossovers?)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

ahhh I love the smell of Yuletide in the morning. :D

well, I mean, I'm not morally opposed to them in my fandoms or anything... kind of have to know both sides though haha.

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

Pique's twitter is glorious. I don't even care if it is a plot because the results are so beautiful, oh man. Speaking of plotting, as long as Bojan's pulling the strings, can he just arrange to clone Samir Nasri, because I'm pretty sure that would go a long way toward convincing Arsenal to let Cesc go. (Disclaimer: I'm kind of in love with Samir Nasri and rly rly rly want someone to write fic about him.)

You're very welcome! :D Happy to see the gifs spread out into the wider world. I suppose I could just get a tumblr or something but then I'd have yet another form of social media to keep up with. Gosh, life is just so hard.

PRESENT ME WITH THE FIC ABOUT ZLATAN WOOING HIS BITCHY PRINCESS ALESSA WITH GOALS AND THE QUEST FOR THE SCUDETTO.

sdjaksd;djdj;lasdl;sadjlsada

yes

yes

yes

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

Nasri is SO PRETTY. damn. does he have any bromances going? he is too pretty to be a bromantic spinster.

oh god don't do it it will suck your life away. I've spent the entire day avoiding my tumblr because I know when I start catching up it will take DAYS. (though idk, it is also where I usually put my random football musings, so maybe I should narcissistically demand you get a tumblr and just follow me haha. I only put this up on LJ because (a) gifs are beyond my ken on tumblr (b) as mentioned above I am currently avoiding tumblr like the plague and (c) I cooked up too many theories on my trip to be confined to a single tumblr post.)

WHERE IS applegnat. all I'm saying. XDD

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

Isn't he?? I think he's got something with Marouane Chamakh. Other than that, not that I know of (yet). It would just be tragic if no one was taking advantage of this.

I - I'm tempted and frightened at the same time. What's your tumblr, at the very least I'll stalk your posts.

WHERE IS applegnat. all I'm saying. XDD

EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.

Oh, and I almost forgot - fellow yuletide non-starter! high five!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

but tumblr tells me that Chamakh is tragically devoted to Yoann Gourcuff? ALSO SAMIR NASRI IS DATING TATIANA GOLOVIN WTF WTF WTF I JUST FOUND THIS OUT A MINUTE AGO. FANDOMS COLLIDING!!!

haha I'm meretricula everywhere! except twitter where I am parvameretrix because some ho already had meretricula. boo that whore. XD my tumblr is a veritable feast of Barcelona adorableness though idk if that will be to your tastes... :P

I see your high five and raise you a fist bump! feigned explosion optional.

[mardia.livejournal.com]

I feel like the football gods are on a mission to bring fic to life, for serious. First Liverpool and now this? (And haha, saw the thread up-top, and yes, yes, I'm the one with the theo/cesc thing. In my defense, they're kind of adorable. Oh, and btw, I'm witchspell on tumblr, in case you were wondering who this random person who was following you was.)

Also, I have my Yuletide fic started but I'm on the verge of hyperventilating about how close the deadline is--FIVE DAYS WTF.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

it's awesome, man. thank you, football gods! (haha it all makes sense now! welcome to tumblr, enjoy your stay, try not to have it consume your life! learn from my mistakes...)

my panic button is broken. but for real I need to write this shit. XD

[aramley.livejournal.com]

I missed youuuuu <3

Don't even mention yuletide. Let alone netcord D: D: D:

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

I missed you tooooooo!

>_>;; why are we such procrastinators dammit

[cette-vie.livejournal.com]

I wanted to comment that these photos were ridiculous and lovely, and then saw that there were already 57 comments. It was a little scary. But happy to see! Are you coming home for Christmas, btw? I may have already asked you this.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

haha don't be afraid of my fandom friends! we just have long ranty conversations, we don't bite. :) no, I'm staying here until July, but supposedly I will be Skyping you guys at Nekke's party, so I should see you then! ♥

[cafune.livejournal.com]

is--is zlatan's hair braided? i swear to god i had that exact same hair style for prom last year.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

lmao! no, he wears this retarded little headband thing. I wish he'd go back to the ponytail, it looked super-cute on him! footballing hairstyles: almost inevitably tragic.

[cafune.livejournal.com]

i have no idea what you're talking about, surely footballers are always wise and thoughtful on the matter of their hairstyles.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

I think I might cry. jesus christ did he bleach it? youth is no excuse for some travesties.

[stickmarionette.livejournal.com]

Well, Carlota did tweet Pique as part of the tree saga...*g*

As for Barca: the Unpleasant Years references, are you looking for anything in particular? I blogged my way through most of those 2 years so it's probably pretty easy for me to find stuff.

I have 500 words or so of Yuletide fic. D:

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

I know, but he's not following her! he needs to get on that. XD

that will be really useful! thank you! if I have further questions when I'm done poking through your blog I will address them to you. :)

ahhh I feel so accomplished with my 700 whole words! (ugh seriously I have become numb to deadline panic NOT GOOD.)