meretricula: (messi's easy)
[personal profile] meretricula
haters will be killed and eaten. just fyi.

title: la gent normal com tu
fandom: football RPF
pairing: Fabregas/Messi/Pique
rating: NC-17
word count: 2000
summary: Leo is an alien. Cesc and Pique teach him about one of the best parts of being human, i.e. orgasms.
warnings: underage characters in sexual situations, alien physiology
notes: I AM A PERVERT NOBODY IS SURPRISED. written for this brilliant prompt at fbkink, and before anybody asks, yes I know there is already an amazing fill! I cleared this with the awesome other authornon, don't worry. ;) I'm just the humble pornographer in the shadow of your brilliant prose, baby.


Most of the kids at La Masia learned very quickly that privacy was a rare and valuable commodity in a dormitory, and respected a closed door at all costs. Most kids, of course, Cesc thought with a sigh, were not Lionel Messi.

"What are you doing?" Leo asked. Cesc finished zipping up his shorts in a hurry and started to stutter some kind of explanation.

"We're looking at porn," Geri interrupted boldly. While Cesc was still choking, he added, "Do you want to see?"

"Oh. Uh, thank you?" Leo drifted over to peer down at the magazine Geri had swiped from his dad's sock drawer, which Cesc had half-shoved under the covers before he realized it was only Leo. The door swung shut behind him and Cesc heaved a silent sigh of relief. He slid over and let Leo squash himself in between them, back pressed against the wall.

Geri flipped through the magazine until he found the page it had been open to before and put it down in front of Leo, where they could all see it. "This one's the best," he proclaimed.

"Okay," Leo said. Cesc took his cock out of his pants and got back to the business of jerking off, but when he looked at Leo out of the corner of his eye, he was just sitting there, watching with what looked like nothing so much as polite curiosity.

"It works better if you touch your dick," Geri said.

"Oh, uh," Leo said. "It doesn't work like that for me. Because I'm, you know." He looked down at the naked girl in the magazine without any apparent interest, or even a blush. "Different."

"What, does she need to have footballs instead of tits?" Geri asked, snickering.

"Geri!" Cesc hissed. Leo had told them about being - different, after the incident with the face mask, and Cesc knew it had been a big deal, that Leo wasn't supposed to tell anyone. He knew how much Leo was trusting them with. It would have been a huge scandal if anyone found out the biggest pearl of La Masia was an alien.

And then somebody might take Leo away to a place where he couldn't play football anymore.

"Sorry," Geri mumbled. "I didn't mean - "

"It's okay," Leo said.

"Okay." Geri paused, then burst out, "But, I mean, I've seen you in the shower, it's not like you don't have a - "

"I told you, I look just like you." Leo frowned down at the girl in the magazine, which her breasts definitely didn't warrant. "You know, like a person. Just, some stuff doesn't - feel the same."

"You are a person," Cesc said loyally.

The naked gratitude on Leo's face when he looked up through his hair made Cesc feel uncomfortable, and after a moment he decided to change the subject; he was really curious anyway, and it wasn't like he usually got an opportunity to ask. "But then how do you, you know. Jerk off?"

Leo blinked. "I don't."

"What, at all?" Geri yelped.

"Um," Leo said. The frown looked like it was going to come back, so Cesc reached out and ruffled his hair.

"Hey, maybe you're just a late bloomer," he said, and tugged Leo's ear.

"Ah - ahh! - " Leo's voice suddenly went very high and breathy, and he scrambled as far back as he could, which wasn't very, yanking his legs up to his chest. The magazine got knocked off the bed and fell face-down on the floor, unnoticed.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Cesc asked anxiously. Leo had only told them so they'd stop getting into fights for him. He'd said that he didn't feel pain the same way they did, that so long as nothing was broken or torn or sprained they didn't have to worry so much about him getting kicked. He hadn't said anything about other things hurting him more, but it made sense, sort of.

"N-no," Leo stammered, but his eyes were wide and scared behind his fringe of hair.

"Huh," Geri said. Cesc turned and stared as he reached over, very slowly and carefully, and ran his thumb along the shell of Leo's ear. Leo moaned, his cheeks flushing bright pink, and Geri grinned the way he usually did when he beat a new level on his Nintendo. "I thought so."

"Thought what?" Cesc demanded. Leo didn't say anything; his eyelids fluttered shut and he turned his face in toward Geri's hand. Geri looked at Cesc, but he kept rubbing his thumb up and down the edge of Leo's ear.

"Well, it's not like Leo doesn't feel stuff, he just feels it differently," Geri pointed out. "Or in different places, I guess. Kind of weird that it's his ears," he added thoughtfully, "but nipples don't make much sense either."

Leo made a weird whining noise in the back of his throat, and Cesc suddenly really didn't care if it made sense. "Can I?" he asked. Leo looked up at him and didn't run screaming, and Cesc didn't give him time to respond before he leaned in to kiss him, one hand buried in Leo's hair so he could touch his ear.

It was really obvious that Leo had never done this before, not even just kissing, but Cesc liked it anyway, wet and messy and full of spit. Every pass of his thumb over Leo's ear made him stop what he was doing and shiver and Cesc liked that too, liked that he could do that to Leo. "Here, come here," he panted as he broke away to catch his breath and wipe his mouth. Leo just stared at him, flushed and glassy-eyed - God, Cesc had done that, made him look that way. He wanted to do more. "Come on, just - " He gave up and pulled Leo closer, rearranged him and pulled again until he fell on top of Cesc. He could feel Leo's cock against his and maybe it didn't do anything for Leo but it felt amazing to Cesc.

"I'm going to - " Geri said, somewhere behind Leo. Cesc nodded, more interested in the press of Leo's thigh against his erection; aside from the occasional brush of Geri's hands where he and Leo were touching, he barely noticed what Geri was doing.

"Is this okay?" he asked between kisses, petting both of Leo's ears now as he rocked up into his body. "Is it - "

"Y-yeah, it - oh, oh, uhhhh - " Leo screwed up his face and his whole body convulsed, pressing into Cesc in new and interesting ways. Cesc had worked out by now that that was a good reaction.

"Whatever you just did, do it again," he ordered. Geri rolled his eyes at him over Leo's head, but he didn't say anything about Cesc being too bossy - he could prioritize just fine when he had to. Instead he pushed Leo's t-shirt up as far as it would go and ran a finger down over the exposed ridges of his spine.

Leo let out a wordless cry and arched up, trying to push into Geri's hand. Alarmed, Cesc grabbed at him at the same time Geri shoved him back down, and Leo ended up sandwiched between them. "Shh, shh, it's okay, you can't make so much noise, it's okay but you've got to be quiet, we're going to take care of you but shh," Cesc said hurriedly. The look of panicked confusion on Leo's face was fading, but not nearly fast enough. "Geri, you fucking oaf, you're squashing us," Cesc snapped.

"Fine, fine, quit your bitching," Geri grumbled, but it made Leo giggle and Geri got up on his knees above them, so Cesc didn't have the combined weight of two teenage boys crushing him into the mattress.

Cesc stretched up and kissed Leo, just a quick peck on the lips. "Okay?" he asked, hands cupped over Leo's ears but not moving. Leo nodded and then shuddered, choking off a moan. Geri's face had vanished behind him a moment earlier, and from the noises he was making he was kissing the back of Leo's neck, or maybe trying to give him a hickey. "Okay, just," Cesc said, pulling Leo further down so his mouth was pressed to the hinge of Cesc's jaw. Leo made a small, interrogative sound, and then muffled a much louder one in Cesc's neck when Cesc managed to catch his earlobe between his teeth.

It was good, it was great, even, and the noises coming out of Leo's mouth were pretty amazing, but Cesc still needed -

One of Geri's hands was under Leo's shirt, Cesc discovered when he reached around Leo's waist, trying to get him closer, to get the friction he wanted. He would have wondered where the other one was except he recognized the sounds Geri made when he was jerking off and getting close, and then he came all over Leo's back and got some on Cesc's hand in the process.

Geri tumbled over onto his side next to them, but Cesc didn't pay any attention to him, even when he got his breath back and started playing with Leo's ear. It was so maddeningly close to enough, the way Leo was squirming on top of him as he rubbed the slick wet mess of Geri's come along Leo's spine, so close but not quite there, and then Leo finally figured it out and worked a hand under his stomach and wrapped it around Cesc's cock. Cesc accidentally bit down on Leo's earlobe as his body seized up, and Leo let out a series of high-pitched, squeaky noises that would have been hilarious under other circumstances and came, so hard he collapsed on top of Cesc afterward like the dead.

"It looks like come," Cesc mused a little later, examining the sticky stuff he'd gotten on his fingers when he helped Leo take off his shorts and underwear. Leo just hummed sleepily, curled up on Geri's other side. He'd flinched away when either of them so much as brushed against his back - they'd had to be really careful taking off his shirt, because his spine was apparently still hypersensitive and he couldn't stand to have anything touch it at all - but he seemed to like the way Geri was petting his ear. He was almost purring.

Cesc swiped his tongue across his fingertips. "Tastes like come, too," he reported, making a face.

"Why would you put that in your mouth, that's gross," Geri said without any particular vehemence.

"I still don't get what's so special about ears, though," Cesc went on, ignoring him.

"My mom said when I was a baby my ears were weird," Leo mumbled.

"Weird how?" Geri asked.

"I don't know, just weird. They changed when I got older. They look normal in all the pictures of me. And I had a, uh." Leo paused and then rushed on, "I used to have a tail."

Cesc propped himself up on one elbow so he could look over Geri at Leo, who was blushing so hard it looked painful. "I bet you were really cute," he said firmly.

"Or just a freak," Leo muttered.

"Hey. Hey, look at me." Cesc reached across Geri and grabbed one of Leo's hands. "It doesn't matter, okay? That's not the important stuff. The important stuff, you're the same as us. Okay?"

"Okay," Leo said after a moment, and squeezed Cesc's hand.

"God, would the two of you shut up and let me fall asleep," Geri complained. Even if he'd been any good at faking annoyance, the way he was still stroking Leo's ear would have given him away. "I want a nap before we play this afternoon."

Leo perked up immediately. "Football?"

"Nap first, football second, so go to sleep," Geri ordered.

Leo made a small grumpy noise, but he obediently settled back down. When Cesc dozed off, his arm was still stretched across Geri's chest so he could hold Leo's hand.


notes: 1. the face mask incident 2. infinitely superior fill 3. Leo's physiology is crack by way of Star Trek. kids, don't try this at home. (ps in my mind baby Leo was basically a catboi.) 4. title/cut-text from Common People/Torna La Gent Normal

Date: 2011-08-02 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mardia.livejournal.com
*claps in delight* Yay for awesome porn!

Date: 2011-08-02 10:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
hee, thank you!

Date: 2011-08-02 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sillypiglets2.livejournal.com
This is precious. :D

Date: 2011-08-02 10:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
thanks! :)

Date: 2011-08-02 10:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] firehigher.livejournal.com
This is so adorable, hot and clumsy and and and I am such a hard sucker for fics set in this period, so this is basically amazing. <3

Date: 2011-08-03 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
BABY DREAM TEAM OT3 FOREVERRRRR ahahaha I mean. thank you very much!

Date: 2011-08-02 10:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justkisa.livejournal.com
this is hot and sweet and this line - You are a person," Cesc said loyally. - I love it an awful lot also this one - "Shh, shh, it's okay, you can't make so much noise, it's okay but you've got to be quiet, we're going to take care of you but shh," Cesc said hurriedly. - just the sex it's hot (very hot) but I love the way you show their friendship best of all!

Date: 2011-08-03 02:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
awww, thank you! "you are a person" is one of my favorite lines, too. I'm really glad you liked the fic! ♥

Date: 2011-08-03 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greenpixiehair.livejournal.com
Does this mean Pique's well-documented need to grab Cesc's ear during training/interviews/life is actually a very public form of secret-code innuendo? ("Hi Cesc, Leo misses you-" *tweak* "Why has he gone red?" "No reason, Andres. No reason at all.")

This fic. This ficccccccc. Catboy spacekid Leo! Gerard being hilarious but also an idiot! Sweet little cesc knows exactly what he wants and is assingle minded asa runaway train!

Seriously though, Cesc is so sweet in this. "You are a person," it's like, he doesn't really know how much that means, to Leo, but he kind of has a feeling, so he keeps saying it. Or something. Boys. Boys andd their friendships. ♥

And then somebody might take Leo away to a place where he couldn't play football anymore. it's sad and funny all at once because that's os reductive and childish and actually probably is the most important thing because this is leo

ALSO THE PORN. UHM. I have no comment on that. Because it would just end up looking like: PORN. BRAINMELT. DO LIKE. ASDFGHKL except for several pages.

Date: 2011-08-03 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
ahahaha oh man I was thinking more like this:

Image (http://photobucket.com)

but it is good to know that it's a trio-wide phenomenon! XD

oh man this comment, allow me to clutch it to my chest because you got all the things I was trying to do. just, boys. and Leo, and how childish that explanation is, but how else do you explain to a child that he has to keep a secret? because "they will take you to a horrible lab and do experiments on you until you die" isn't going to process, but "they won't let you play football anymore" will.

haha is it terrible that I completely forgot you were the OP of this? like, I wrote it 100% for my own pleasure, and I was sort of vaguely thinking, I hope the OP likes it anyway, but hey, OP is my braintwin. XDD problem solved! THANK GOODNESS!

Date: 2011-08-03 04:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greenpixiehair.livejournal.com

Hahaha I'm surprised you could even read the comment, tbh. It was written in a rush before I had to be at lecture, and looking back... I seem to have decided that the spacebar is an optional extra. And. Putting letters in the right order. Is also. An extra.

oops.

because "they will take you to a horrible lab and do experiments on you until you die" isn't going to process ;________________;
can you imagine someone having to eventually lay that out
the coach or
and older player or
when he goes to the first team and they get very, very serious

I AM THE LUCKIEST OP EVER. FACT.

Date: 2011-08-03 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
haha don't worry I speak fluent internet~

but this is Barcelona. they'll make sure nothing happens to him. (and so will Cesc and Pique.) ♥

IT'S NOT LUCK IT'S THE FACT OF YOUR AWESOMENESS.

Date: 2011-08-03 03:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greenpixiehair.livejournal.com

you multi-talented thing :P I myself still struggle. For example the dialect of twitter is a mystery to me.

ohmygod don't though. Don't encourage me. Because now I'm dreaming up scenrios in which Geri lays the smackdown on Barca newbies who react badly/people realising Cesc isn't always so fluffy when ~rumours are happening in the spain nt dammit xavi hold your alcohol



I mean whut



I think I'm damaged in the head



AWESOMENESS? LOL NO. YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF GAMES. I MEAN OF LIES. OR SOMETHING. WILL FERRELL AND SEAN BEAN ARE INVOLVED, AT SOME POINT.

Date: 2011-08-03 05:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
lolololol if you want someone not to encourage you I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place... come on, Cesc and Pique being protective of Leo? you know I'm all over this. :D even though god knows most of the time he can take care of himself, haha.

Date: 2011-08-05 02:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
also, this (http://borrito.tumblr.com/post/4476474620). ♥_♥

Date: 2011-08-03 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] climbingeverest.livejournal.com
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This fic is just what I needed today. Like, they're still just kids but they're so...together? That doesn't make sense but, you know. It's just excellent.

Date: 2011-08-03 03:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
I am so pleased to be of service! and ahhhh bb dream team 2gether 4ever my tin hat let me show you it. I'm really glad you liked it! it means a lot coming from you. :)

Date: 2011-08-03 06:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] abitof-m0nkeys.livejournal.com
awwww this is like cute and hot and hnnng. oh boys. :')

Date: 2011-08-03 06:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
haha, thank you! boys ♥

Date: 2011-08-03 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x1900l.livejournal.com
oooohhhh~~~~they are so adorable!!!this is just I want.
hope they can be together again this summer. XD

Date: 2011-08-03 03:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
aww, thank you! fingers crossed~

Date: 2011-08-20 06:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x1900l.livejournal.com
I just come to say: they finally back together.
XDDDD
than you for this wonderful fic.

Date: 2011-08-03 07:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gummiberryjuice.livejournal.com
Great fic. I love the concept and I love these boys as teenagers. The sex was hot but the friendship very real and sweet. Particularly loved your characterisation of Pique X

Date: 2011-08-03 03:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
thank you very much! Pique is such a fun character to write. :)

Date: 2011-08-03 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spdfg.livejournal.com
Hahahaha what the hell. Footballs instead of tits. Cesc being adorably bitchy and incredibly sweet by turns. Leo perking up out of his very first post-coital at the mention of the afternoon game. Leo being so very Different. And Leo's goddamn erotic spine, which, yes, let's face it, is pretty much spot on. + Vulcan catboys for the winnnnnn :D :D :D

Date: 2011-08-03 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
thank youuu! the three of them are just so adorable and fun to write, god. (also I'm not going to lie, I found the idea of Leo's spine being essentially a sex organ to be more interesting than I should have.)

Date: 2011-08-10 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drbillbongo.livejournal.com
OMG, seriously, how brilliant is this fic???? XDDD Messi's ears - now there's a surprise! XD I was grinning like a loon all the way through it, it's just too fantastic. Absolutely adored this!!

Date: 2011-08-10 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meretricula.livejournal.com
thank you! :DD I was inspired~ by those pics of Cesc pulling on Leo's ear at the U-20 WC, they were so cute!

Date: 2011-08-10 10:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drbillbongo.livejournal.com
I saw one of them!! It was hilarious! XD
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