the king returns!

king of what, I hear you ask? bizarre fandom conspiracy theories, of course!

(Poland was freezing cold and otherwise lovely. but that is not what this post is about.)

so I trust everyone has been watching life imitate fanfic as Gerard Pique recently got his ass on Twitter and immediately started harassing Cesc and Puyol. which could of course just be because he doesn't know anybody on twitter (this is not true; he had a bizarre yet affectionate exchange with Rio Ferdinand, reminding me yet again that Pique did actually have a life before Barcelona snatched him back to its bosom) and they're his best friends. OR!!! it could all be a cunning plot by Pique to remind Cesc of what he's missing back home, get him to reveal his innate Catalan-ness and love for Barcelona (by which I mean Pique and Puyol) to all his followers, and ultimately persuade Arsenal that Cesc belongs at Barcelona. I like to believe that this plot was actually thought up by Bojan, and Pique is merely following the Lolita's devious plans. (have I ever mentioned my private conviction Bojan is secretly an evil mastermind and intentionally caused the Pep-Zlatan schism by seducing them both so that Zlatan would have to transfer and give him more playing time?) of course Pique's attempts are doomed to failure but it's so cute that he's trying.

also I enjoy some of the facts that this recent explosion of tweets has provided us, such as Pique's apparently frequent drop-in dinner dates at Puyol's house. I realize that I'm the only person who thinks this, but how cute is it that Puyol found a girlfriend Pique's age? now Pique has a playmate! (look, if he's going to tweet alarmingly domestic things like "going to Puyi and Malena's place for dinner but she doesn't want to cook, I guess I'll have to do it myself," my mind is going to go to the happy threesome place, I'm sorry.) I'm just waiting for Pique to start tweeting Carlota. and for Leo to get on twitter, but let's face it, not even Pique could make Leo good at social media. he would rival Iniesta for the "most boring football tweeter on the planet" award. (not to be confused with the Ballon d'Or. Xavi is not on twitter yet either.)

and how about Alessandro Nesta finally getting over himself to kind of sort of maybe give the Zlatan a hug? BEHOLD:











(pictures via acchikocchi - THANK YOU DARLING - but her post is locked and these pictures are too glorious not to share.) FANDOM I AM WAITING. PRESENT ME WITH THE FIC ABOUT ZLATAN WOOING HIS BITCHY PRINCESS ALESSA WITH GOALS AND THE QUEST FOR THE SCUDETTO.

also? who wants to give me references about the two unhappy years at Barcelona right before Pep came back. which has nothing to do with my pet theory about Bojan masterminding a scheme to stop the dressing-room civil war by prostituting Leo and Andres to keep Ronnie and Sammy too distracted to fight with each other. of course. ~shifty eyes~ (yes, I have seen this article. which is kind of depressing when you read it with the knowledge of where Bojan was going to be in a year's time, i.e. still erratically scoring goals and mainly warming the bench. oh, Lolita.)

yuletide fic remains unwritten, haven't even started plotting my netcord fic though I did get so bored on the flight that I tried to remember some of the "five things" prompts for the same couple from way back when to write in my notebook, and I've been procrastinating by writing out my favorite scenes in the soulmates sequel. that's... kind of a fail. oh well.