ficlet: couvade (football rpf)
Sep. 23rd, 2012 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meretriculathe current Barça baby boom practically demanded crackfic about one of the players suffering from a sympathetic pregnancy, right? or was that just me. probably that was just me.
title: couvade
fandom: football rpf
characters: Victor Valdes + Andres Iniesta
rating: PG
word count: 873
summary: "Couvade syndrome is a term used to describe a situation in which an otherwise healthy man — whose partner is expecting a baby — experiences pregnancy-related symptoms." (via the Mayo Clinic.)
notes: I'm so sorry.
It took longer for Andres to notice than it should have, but he had the excuse of a new family of his own. "Were you just throwing up in there?"
"No," Victor said, and wiped reflexively at his mouth.
"Victor, I'm serious, if you caught that flu that Jordi had you need to see the doctor right away. Don't be an idiot. Come on, we can leave a little early and I'll drop you off on the way to practice, the míster won't mind."
"It's not the flu," Victor insisted. "I'm fine. Come in, sit down and have something to drink, okay? Yoli got up to make us breakfast, she'll be upset if we leave without saying goodbye."
Victor's pleading look did very little to calm Andres' suspicions, but he had even less desire to offend a pregnant woman, and he knew he'd drag the problem out of Victor eventually. "All right," he said at last, letting Victor lead the way into the kitchen. "But don't think you're getting away with this. Good morning," he added to Yolanda. "How are you feeling?"
"Never better," she said cheerfully. She was still moving gracefully, Andres noticed as she came over to exchange kisses. She'd managed to get all the way through her pregnancy with Dylan without ever waddling or giving up high-heeled shoes, too; he had no idea how women did it. "How are Anna and Valeria?"
"Doing just fine -- oh, thank you," he said, absent-mindedly accepting the cup of coffee Yolanda was offering him. "Is Dylan -- "
"Oh, not again," she interrupted, disgust clear in her voice. Andres turned around and saw that Victor's face had gone so pale he was nearly green. "Just go," Yolanda sighed. Victor bolted unceremoniously from the room.
"What the…?" Andres said, staring after him.
"It's the coffee," Yolanda said. "He's fine the rest of the time, but the second he smells it… I was never sick a day with this one or with Dylan, I have no idea where he's getting it from. The doctor said it's normal for some men, it's just all the hormones, but -- " She rolled her eyes. "You'd think he was the pregnant one, the way he's carrying on. And I tell him and tell him, I'll just wait to make coffee until he leaves for practice, but no, he's fine, he's fine! So fine he can't stop throwing up, obviously."
"Should someone maybe go after him?" Andres asked.
Yolanda looked surprised for a moment, then ducked down to kiss Andres' cheek again. "You're so sweet, I don't know how you've put up with Victor so long. It's really nothing serious, but if you want to go check on him you can. I did at first, but, well." She gestured towards her stomach. "I'm not so good at bending over anymore."
"I'll go do that, then," Andres said with a smile. "Thank you for the coffee."
It didn't take much effort to locate Victor: all Andres had to do was follow the sound of dry heaving to the nearest bathroom, and there he was, huddled miserably over the toilet. Andres hesitated for a moment in the doorway, then knelt on the floor beside him. "Hey," he said, rubbing a gentle hand over the peach-fuzz stubble at the back of Victor's head. "Feeling better?"
"Just embarrassed," Victor croaked. He frowned, cleared his throat, and went on, "Doesn't really fit my image, you know."
Andres snorted. "Like Yoli and I care. Don't be stupid, Victor."
"I can't help it if some things just come naturally to me," Victor said. He turned his head to rest his cheek on the toilet seat and smiled up at Andres, crooked but sincere. "I'm working on it."
"Caring this much makes you a better father," Andres said seriously. "Being a good dad is not ever embarrassing. Now," he added as he got to his feet, "if you're done puking, get up, brush your teeth and get in the car."
Victor laughed and accepted Andres' hand up. "All right. Thanks, little brother."
"Don't thank me, just don't throw up in my car -- no! I'm serious, no kissing until you brush your teeth, asshole! Fuck off and get your fucking mouth away from me, you -- "
"STOP SWEARING, DYLAN IS AWAKE," Yolanda shouted from the kitchen.
"Sorry!" Andres yelled back.
"Don't repeat anything Uncle Andres just said!" Victor called through a mouthful of toothpaste. He spat, rinsed and added, "I'll see you when I get home from practice!"
Andres shook his head as Victor carefully put away his toothbrush and toothpaste and started herding him out the door. "Come on, hurry up, we're going to be late."
"We've still got plenty of time -- "
"Not if we're going to get tea in the dining hall first, so get moving."
Victor stopped dead in the hallway, ignoring Andres' protests, and put him in a headlock so he could press a kiss to the top of his head. "I don't think I've ever done anything to deserve you, little brother," he said.
"Yeah, well." Andres squirmed free without too much trouble and made for the front door. "You're stuck with me anyway. I'm pretty sure that's what family means."
title: couvade
fandom: football rpf
characters: Victor Valdes + Andres Iniesta
rating: PG
word count: 873
summary: "Couvade syndrome is a term used to describe a situation in which an otherwise healthy man — whose partner is expecting a baby — experiences pregnancy-related symptoms." (via the Mayo Clinic.)
notes: I'm so sorry.
It took longer for Andres to notice than it should have, but he had the excuse of a new family of his own. "Were you just throwing up in there?"
"No," Victor said, and wiped reflexively at his mouth.
"Victor, I'm serious, if you caught that flu that Jordi had you need to see the doctor right away. Don't be an idiot. Come on, we can leave a little early and I'll drop you off on the way to practice, the míster won't mind."
"It's not the flu," Victor insisted. "I'm fine. Come in, sit down and have something to drink, okay? Yoli got up to make us breakfast, she'll be upset if we leave without saying goodbye."
Victor's pleading look did very little to calm Andres' suspicions, but he had even less desire to offend a pregnant woman, and he knew he'd drag the problem out of Victor eventually. "All right," he said at last, letting Victor lead the way into the kitchen. "But don't think you're getting away with this. Good morning," he added to Yolanda. "How are you feeling?"
"Never better," she said cheerfully. She was still moving gracefully, Andres noticed as she came over to exchange kisses. She'd managed to get all the way through her pregnancy with Dylan without ever waddling or giving up high-heeled shoes, too; he had no idea how women did it. "How are Anna and Valeria?"
"Doing just fine -- oh, thank you," he said, absent-mindedly accepting the cup of coffee Yolanda was offering him. "Is Dylan -- "
"Oh, not again," she interrupted, disgust clear in her voice. Andres turned around and saw that Victor's face had gone so pale he was nearly green. "Just go," Yolanda sighed. Victor bolted unceremoniously from the room.
"What the…?" Andres said, staring after him.
"It's the coffee," Yolanda said. "He's fine the rest of the time, but the second he smells it… I was never sick a day with this one or with Dylan, I have no idea where he's getting it from. The doctor said it's normal for some men, it's just all the hormones, but -- " She rolled her eyes. "You'd think he was the pregnant one, the way he's carrying on. And I tell him and tell him, I'll just wait to make coffee until he leaves for practice, but no, he's fine, he's fine! So fine he can't stop throwing up, obviously."
"Should someone maybe go after him?" Andres asked.
Yolanda looked surprised for a moment, then ducked down to kiss Andres' cheek again. "You're so sweet, I don't know how you've put up with Victor so long. It's really nothing serious, but if you want to go check on him you can. I did at first, but, well." She gestured towards her stomach. "I'm not so good at bending over anymore."
"I'll go do that, then," Andres said with a smile. "Thank you for the coffee."
It didn't take much effort to locate Victor: all Andres had to do was follow the sound of dry heaving to the nearest bathroom, and there he was, huddled miserably over the toilet. Andres hesitated for a moment in the doorway, then knelt on the floor beside him. "Hey," he said, rubbing a gentle hand over the peach-fuzz stubble at the back of Victor's head. "Feeling better?"
"Just embarrassed," Victor croaked. He frowned, cleared his throat, and went on, "Doesn't really fit my image, you know."
Andres snorted. "Like Yoli and I care. Don't be stupid, Victor."
"I can't help it if some things just come naturally to me," Victor said. He turned his head to rest his cheek on the toilet seat and smiled up at Andres, crooked but sincere. "I'm working on it."
"Caring this much makes you a better father," Andres said seriously. "Being a good dad is not ever embarrassing. Now," he added as he got to his feet, "if you're done puking, get up, brush your teeth and get in the car."
Victor laughed and accepted Andres' hand up. "All right. Thanks, little brother."
"Don't thank me, just don't throw up in my car -- no! I'm serious, no kissing until you brush your teeth, asshole! Fuck off and get your fucking mouth away from me, you -- "
"STOP SWEARING, DYLAN IS AWAKE," Yolanda shouted from the kitchen.
"Sorry!" Andres yelled back.
"Don't repeat anything Uncle Andres just said!" Victor called through a mouthful of toothpaste. He spat, rinsed and added, "I'll see you when I get home from practice!"
Andres shook his head as Victor carefully put away his toothbrush and toothpaste and started herding him out the door. "Come on, hurry up, we're going to be late."
"We've still got plenty of time -- "
"Not if we're going to get tea in the dining hall first, so get moving."
Victor stopped dead in the hallway, ignoring Andres' protests, and put him in a headlock so he could press a kiss to the top of his head. "I don't think I've ever done anything to deserve you, little brother," he said.
"Yeah, well." Andres squirmed free without too much trouble and made for the front door. "You're stuck with me anyway. I'm pretty sure that's what family means."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 03:05 am (UTC)Andres snorted. "Like Yoli and I care. Don't be stupid, Victor."
"I can't help it if some things just come naturally to me," Victor said.
Hee!
I'm serious, no kissing until you brush your teeth, asshole!
Ahahahaha, yeah, swearing in front of Dylan is definitely the most disturbing thing going on in there...
no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 03:19 am (UTC)...to be clear, I meant platonic cheek-kissing. which in my defense Victor and Andres do a lot of irl! I am not implying that Victor goes around tongue-kissing Uncle Andres in front of his son: that is a terrible thing that I would never ever do
in this fic but I make no promises for the future!no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 11:37 am (UTC)Ah, okay, that's different. Wasn't sure exactly which Victor/Andres universe I'd wandered into here.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 11:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 12:42 pm (UTC)Oh, right.
I tend not to look too closely at headers as long as I trust the author. Maybe because I'm not inclined to be put off by much in fic other than bad writing.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 10:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 12:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-24 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-25 04:58 am (UTC)Yolanda's so awesome in this. and Victor and Andresito are so adorable. I love their relationship dynamic. and how you capture it so perfectly.
Victor calling Andres little brother - awwwwww :)
(haha I totally interpreted the kissing thing wrong too)
Victor stopped dead in the hallway, ignoring Andres' protests, and put him in a headlock so he could press a kiss to the top of his head. "I don't think I've ever done anything to deserve you, little brother," he said.
"Yeah, well." Andres squirmed free without too much trouble and made for the front door. "You're stuck with me anyway. I'm pretty sure that's what family means."
♥♥♥
no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 08:11 pm (UTC)authorial intention isn't everything -- if it makes you happier to imagine non-platonic kissing, go for it! the line gets blurred for me with those two anyway. I have weird hang-ups about what kind of fic I'll write the players' girlfriends in, otherwise it probably would be explicitly non-platonic XD
no subject
Date: 2012-09-28 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 08:05 pm (UTC)