so... bored...
Oct. 15th, 2007 09:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meretriculaI'm not allowed to wear headphones at my desk job anymore, alas. which means no more watching illicitly downloaded television, except at my day-job (kind of paradoxical, really...). which means that I have been reading Due South smutfic for two hours and I am actually a little bored of it. I think I need to actually watch the show, and then go back and reread the fic. familiarity with canon almost always ensures a better fanfiction reading experience. XD
but in the meantime, since I'm no longer allowed to watch Due South, I feel like brainstorming! yet more random fic ideas that will never actually get written.
First, and most supremely nerdy: I want to write an alternate ending to Much Ado About Nothing. Probably not in iambic pentameter, but only because that much poetry would hurt my brain.
When Don Pedro asks Beatrice if she'll marry him, she doesn't laugh. She goes very quiet and suddenly everyone feels incredibly awkward because, hey, he's the duke! And she's about to turn him down flat! But instead she thinks about it, and right when he's about to apologize and pretend it was a joke, she asks if he really meant it, because marrying him doesn't sound too bad. It wasn't a joke (I maintain that he really meant it in the actual play, even though he didn't expect her to say yes), and this incredibly hot, sassy woman just said yes. Don Pedro is over the moon.
Benedick is still kind of pissed at Claudio for asking his short girlfriend to marry him, but that tantrum has nothing on the one he's pitching inside over having to bow and scrape to the biggest bitch in the country now that she's marrying his liege-lord. So he makes himself pretty scarce, and when Don John comes and tells him and Claudio that Hero is a ginormous h0-bag, he's happy to believe it. Except when they denounce her on her wedding day, Beatrice denounces them right back from slandering her sweet, virginal cousin, and the Duke sides with his woman. But Claudio won't take it back, and he won't take Hero back, and Hero's hit that point where if he won't believe her, she doesn't want him back, either. So Claudio and Benedick ride off into the sunset together in a bit of a huff (and eventually work out that Benedick hated Hero because he had a thing for Claudio and have lots of sex and live the swinging bachelor life happily ever after). Don John is somewhat puzzled that his evil scheme worked, but now he's got all this free time, and his brother isn't really available to sulk about or scheme against, what with incipient wedding panic and dealing with caterers and invitations and all the crazy relatives who come out of the woodwork to give him well-meaning and completely useless advice about keeping his wife happy in bed. Come on, it's an Italian wedding.
So anyway, John and Hero end up bonding over being the sibling that nobody really notices, and she encourages him to use his scheming powers for good. He takes over planning the wedding, finds he has a remarkable talent for management (and threatening caterers when normal management skills fall through), and decides that instead of running off to start another rebellion, maybe he'll stick around and clean up the castle. Eventually he and Hero fall for each other, get married, and run the kingdom while Beatrice and Don Pedro are snarking sexily at each other. Fortunately love does not make John stupid, and he never tells Hero that he's the reason her first wedding fell through (though come on, that Benedick was going to end up stealing her husband eventually anyway, he was just saving her a nasty realization a few years down the line). Also, using his powers of sexy scheming have not made John entirely not-evil, so he doesn't feel guilty, either. AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER, UNTIL THEY DIE. Because zombie-Beatrice? Not so sexy.
Also, I want a crossover between Stargate: Atlantis and House. Can you picture it? Sheppard gets some horrible alien wasting disease and they ship him back to Earth to get fixed. Unfortunately for the sanity of the medical team, they sent McKay along with him. He and House would get into regular pissing matches over the right to the Biggest Know-It-All Asshole Around award, until Cuddy shows up and they get to be matching assholes over her cleavage. Then they settle down to watch General Hospital and torment the interns. Also Rodney keeps yelling at Cameron and Chase for trying to seduce Sheppard with their voodoo "biology" and blood tests. Eventually House cures Sheppard of his alien disease, although he's kind of pissed about it because, uh, aliens don't really exist, and McKay and Sheppard pack up and head home through the Stargate. In farewell, McKay calls House a witch doctor and House calls McKay a UFO-chasing crackpot a few more times, and Sheppard exchanges meaningful sympathetic looks with Wilson.
but in the meantime, since I'm no longer allowed to watch Due South, I feel like brainstorming! yet more random fic ideas that will never actually get written.
First, and most supremely nerdy: I want to write an alternate ending to Much Ado About Nothing. Probably not in iambic pentameter, but only because that much poetry would hurt my brain.
When Don Pedro asks Beatrice if she'll marry him, she doesn't laugh. She goes very quiet and suddenly everyone feels incredibly awkward because, hey, he's the duke! And she's about to turn him down flat! But instead she thinks about it, and right when he's about to apologize and pretend it was a joke, she asks if he really meant it, because marrying him doesn't sound too bad. It wasn't a joke (I maintain that he really meant it in the actual play, even though he didn't expect her to say yes), and this incredibly hot, sassy woman just said yes. Don Pedro is over the moon.
Benedick is still kind of pissed at Claudio for asking his short girlfriend to marry him, but that tantrum has nothing on the one he's pitching inside over having to bow and scrape to the biggest bitch in the country now that she's marrying his liege-lord. So he makes himself pretty scarce, and when Don John comes and tells him and Claudio that Hero is a ginormous h0-bag, he's happy to believe it. Except when they denounce her on her wedding day, Beatrice denounces them right back from slandering her sweet, virginal cousin, and the Duke sides with his woman. But Claudio won't take it back, and he won't take Hero back, and Hero's hit that point where if he won't believe her, she doesn't want him back, either. So Claudio and Benedick ride off into the sunset together in a bit of a huff (and eventually work out that Benedick hated Hero because he had a thing for Claudio and have lots of sex and live the swinging bachelor life happily ever after). Don John is somewhat puzzled that his evil scheme worked, but now he's got all this free time, and his brother isn't really available to sulk about or scheme against, what with incipient wedding panic and dealing with caterers and invitations and all the crazy relatives who come out of the woodwork to give him well-meaning and completely useless advice about keeping his wife happy in bed. Come on, it's an Italian wedding.
So anyway, John and Hero end up bonding over being the sibling that nobody really notices, and she encourages him to use his scheming powers for good. He takes over planning the wedding, finds he has a remarkable talent for management (and threatening caterers when normal management skills fall through), and decides that instead of running off to start another rebellion, maybe he'll stick around and clean up the castle. Eventually he and Hero fall for each other, get married, and run the kingdom while Beatrice and Don Pedro are snarking sexily at each other. Fortunately love does not make John stupid, and he never tells Hero that he's the reason her first wedding fell through (though come on, that Benedick was going to end up stealing her husband eventually anyway, he was just saving her a nasty realization a few years down the line). Also, using his powers of sexy scheming have not made John entirely not-evil, so he doesn't feel guilty, either. AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER, UNTIL THEY DIE. Because zombie-Beatrice? Not so sexy.
Also, I want a crossover between Stargate: Atlantis and House. Can you picture it? Sheppard gets some horrible alien wasting disease and they ship him back to Earth to get fixed. Unfortunately for the sanity of the medical team, they sent McKay along with him. He and House would get into regular pissing matches over the right to the Biggest Know-It-All Asshole Around award, until Cuddy shows up and they get to be matching assholes over her cleavage. Then they settle down to watch General Hospital and torment the interns. Also Rodney keeps yelling at Cameron and Chase for trying to seduce Sheppard with their voodoo "biology" and blood tests. Eventually House cures Sheppard of his alien disease, although he's kind of pissed about it because, uh, aliens don't really exist, and McKay and Sheppard pack up and head home through the Stargate. In farewell, McKay calls House a witch doctor and House calls McKay a UFO-chasing crackpot a few more times, and Sheppard exchanges meaningful sympathetic looks with Wilson.
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-16 09:06 am (UTC)Also, I would love to help with that iambic pentameter for the alternate ending. IM me sometime (darthjamtart, these days).
no subject
Date: 2007-10-16 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 01:01 am (UTC)Well, no, actually; I really only care about Puck. And Queen Hermione from A Winter's Tale.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-20 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-21 12:26 am (UTC)You see, Puck loves all his children, and whoever believeth in Him shall have eternal AWESOME, for His is the Pain-in-the-Assery and the Tomfoolery forever and ever, amen. And it is said that only the Puckish may enter the Magical Forest.
Let us prank.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-21 03:38 pm (UTC)