excellent and/or terrible life decisions

[meretricula]

we shall not describe my harrowing journey home last night. next time I will (a) check the weather forecast and (b) not get lured into staying out late to find out how a football match ends.

but!
meretricula: WALCOTT TO SPURS TROLOLOLOL
 
mardia: HAH!
Oh God, that would be AMAZING
meretricula: Wilshere would never speak to him again
he would unfollow him on twitter
is theo even on twitter
mardia: nope
meretricula: he would make him get twitter just so he could follow and then unfollow him
mardia: HAH HE REALLY WOULD
meanwhile, Gareth would throw a party
and serve sparkling water
meretricula: THEO IS FREE OF TERRIBLE INFLUENCES
I NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH GUNNERS AGAIN
EXCEPT ON THE PITCH
WHERE THERE IS NO ALCOHOL
OR TWITTER
mardia: AHAHAHAHAHH
OH MY GOD AMAZING
You know that for the longest time, Gareth's been thinking, "Theo would look so GOOD in a white jersey."
"And no, not the Real Madrid one."
meretricula: HE WOULD THOUGH
s-s-s-s-sexy
mardia: AHAHAHAHAHA
meretricula: presumably there are pics of him in the England kit
Gareth has them
you know
just to check
comparison purposes
mardia: BAHAHAHAHAHA
meretricula: IT WAS RESEARCH FOR THAT ENGLAND/WALES FRIENDLY
THAT'S ALL OK
HE'S NOT A STALKER OR ANYTHING
oh man I'm so waiting for the fic about some British player who's never been called up for England marrying into the Welsh or Scottish team
sadly it can't be Theo
but, you know
THEY HAVE GAY MARRIAGE IN BRITAIN RIGHT
mardia: HEE THEY DO
Well, civil unions, but yes
meretricula: fast-track to citizenship amirite :D
FORCED MARRIAGES
THE COACHES MADE THEM DO IT
COME ON THIS WOULD BE A CLICHE GIFTBASKET
mardia: AHAHAHAHA YES LOLOLOLOL
Girl, I'm still waiting for the "got drunk and got married" fic
Blackpool is apparently the Vegas of England
meretricula: ahahahaha
omg
mardia: (she says, only having seen the miniseries w/ David Tennant)
meretricula: omg WHO GETS MARRIED IN BLACKPOOL
CHAVS THAT'S WHO
HIS TEAMMATES WOULD JUDGE FOREVER
mardia: HAH!
Oh God
now I'm picturing Gareth going on this Gunner trip to Blackpool
as like, a chaperone or some shit
(HE CAN'T LEAVE THEO ALONE WITH THOSE MISCREANTS, WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN)
meretricula: ahahahahahahaha YES
only Jack like, idk, slips something in his drink
and he doesn't drink!
so he doesn't know what to look out for!
and the next thing he knows he wakes up next to Theo in his hotel room
WHICH HE IS SHARING WITH THE DEVIL AKA JACK WILSHERE
mardia: HAH!
meretricula: and Jack's like hahahahaha guess who got drunk-married last night?
mardia: Oh my God, YES
and the wedding photos are on TWITTER
meretricula: GARETH WORE THE DRESS
mardia: Gareth, for the record, is wearing a very fetching veil
meretricula: OR AT LEAST THE VEIL, YES
omg
can this be like that movie
um
the hangover?
I have never seen it
but, like
mardia: hee, neither have I
meretricula: they have to reconstruct their wedding night from the evidence
because NEITHER OF THEM REMEMBERS
mardia: They don't!
meretricula: and they have to go on a scavenger hunt to like find out who they bought the veil from
and Theo's tie
and all this stuff  
so they can find the guy who married them
and get it ANNULLED ALREADY
mardia: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
meretricula: only secretly neither of them wants to get unmarried
:(
mardia: hee, nope
meanwhile, their phones are BLOWING UP
and over in New York, Thierry's getting updates from Robin and being like, "...I don't know how this is Jack's fault, but I KNOW IT IS."
Also, can there be rings?
I feel like there should be rings
meretricula: YES
THE RINGS ARE KEY
the final clue!
that leads them to their mystery marrier!
only in the end
they confess they don't want to find him
so they can stay married 4ever
mardia: HEE
Gareth's the one who says something
and he's all like, "I can't believe I got married and don't get to have any of the fun of actually BEING married."
(he adds a mental "to Theo" at the end of that sentence.)
also, Jack keeps getting yelled at
and he wants to know why
meretricula: haha
because it's his fault!
mardia: at least he kept all the ADULT pictures off Twitter!
meretricula: duh!
LOL YOU KNOW HE'S GOT THEM
SAVED FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT
mardia: and there are all these shots on his camera of Theo climbing on Gareth and sticking his tongue down his throat
and Jack's showing them this and going, admiringly, "Theo, I didn't know you were such a freak in bed! Well done!"
And Gareth's all, "HDU SPEAK OF MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT."
More importantly, how the fuck does Gareth STILL not remember any of this?
HE FEELS DEPRIVED.
meretricula: hahahaha omg
he has to defend Theo's virtue
yes
BUT WHAT DOES POOR THEO THINK
mardia: HEE
meretricula: MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT HIS VIRTUE DEFENDED
MAYBE HE WOULD APPRECIATE A GOOD ASSAULT ON HIS VIRTUE
FROM, YOU KNOW, THE RIGHT SOURCE
mardia: Hah!
Oh God, I bet he gets quieter and grumpier throughout the entire day
He has no problem being a slut
but he wants to REMEMBER it
meanwhile, Gareth keeps muttering about bad influences and whatnot
meretricula: hee
Gareth and his obsession with bad influences
THEO COULD BE BAD ON HIS OWN
HE TOTALLY COULD
WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST HE'S SUCH A GOODY TWO-SHOES
mardia: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA
THEO CAN BE BAD
IN THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES
WHEN HE HAS THE RIGHT MOTIVATION
AND HE COULD GET SOME MOTIVATION RIGHT NOW
IF GARETH WOULD JUST SHUT UP
meretricula: poor Theo, man
he's trying
actually they're both trying
and both totally misunderstanding
what we have here
is a culture clash
see, Gareth was raised to believe that when you love someone, you treat them right and respect their choices
and Theo was raised to believe all that, sure
but also that respecting someone's choices
could include
you know
ACTUALLY TELLING THEM YOU WANT TO BANG THEM
SO THEY HAVE A CHOICE
mardia: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
OH MY GOD, DYING
He just spends the entire day in a daze, going, "How have I not had sex?"
THIS IS VERY CONFUSING FOR HIM.
ALL THAT BOOZE
AN ACTUAL MARRIAGE LICENSE TO MAKE IT LEGAL AND OFFICIAL
AND STILL NO SEX

also I clearly have my priorities straight because I may not have a bed or a bookcase or a dresser or really anything in my room besides a closet and an air mattress, but I HAVE MY PICTURES OF LEO UP AND IT FEELS LIKE HOME.



this has been an entry. brought to you by Starbucks. INTERNET INSTALLED TOMORROW IT CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH.

Comments

[mardia.livejournal.com]

BAHAHAHAHAHA I love how you're showing our madness to the world at large. And now I want to write a fic about Theo being SO CRANKY over not getting any from an oblivious Gareth. WHAT IS THIS, THEO LIKES BEING A SLUT (in the right circumstances) AND HE WOULD LIKE A CHANCE TO PROVE IT, OH MY GOD, GARETH STOP THE COCKBLOCKING, YOU ARE ONLY PREVENTING YOURSELF FROM GETTING LAID.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

THE WORLD AT LARGE NEEDED TO KNOW OK

also hahahha so... basically the drunk!Theo fic you're supposed to be writing right now? :P just sayin~

[mardia.livejournal.com]

LOOK IT IS VERY HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THE FICS YOU HAVE ME WRITING, JEEZ.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

ISN'T IT GREAT YOU HAVE ME TO REMIND YOU? :DDD

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

PS Theo Walcott is a happy drunk

[mardia.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahahah, YES. (lol at him calling Arshavin a meerkat.)

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

well, he IS. (also the image of Theo drunkenly addressing each of his teammates and telling them all how great they are, earnestly, with like, a hand on their shoulder, is my favorite image of the day.)

[mardia.livejournal.com]

"You're just so great, you know that? Just--just brilliant, you really are, I, I love you, mate, I really do..."

Meanwhile Jack's off in a corner, giggling as he records everything on his phone for posterity.

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Poor Theo. No one will ever forget it. Eduardo is in Ukraine and he's still probably referring to it.

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

I really, really, really love evil Jack. well, mischievous Jack. He's just trying to look out for his bro Theo! THEO WANTS IT HE'S HELPING.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

lmao you know Theo keeps pulling him aside to hiss at him, "I told you about that crush in confidence! getting me drunk-married to Gareth IS NOT HELPING!!!" poor Jack. nobody appreciates him. (well, his followers on Twitter do.)

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

and Jack is all "of course it is! I have all this pictures of you making out! and also can you tell me how big he actually is because I've kind of got this bet going..."

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

ahahahaha JACK WOULD.

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Jack is just shameless. And Aaron won't tell him, so he's relying on Theo.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

hah. actually, is Aaron at all close to Gareth? aside from presumably having seen each other in the showers when playing for Wales. XD

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Not that I'm aware of? But he at least has shower access, which Jack doesn't. Aaron, however, is far too sensible to be answering Jack.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

Aaron Ramsey: far too smart to get embroiled in the topic of Gareth Bale's cock.

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Aaron is waaay too cool for Jack's juvenile schemes. ;)

[pansylove.livejournal.com]

Your wall is perfect

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

makes me happy every time I look at it :)