(no subject)

[meretricula]

school and work have been eating up all my time lately and that is why I haven't been posting! though it never seems like it's been all that long to me, and then I realize I haven't updated in over a month. so yeah. still ticking along, just quiet on the livejournal front!

YULETIDE. it's almost time for the best season of the year to start! what is everybody nominating? I have predictably started trying to organize the sports people, because that is what I do. I'm going for Olympics RPF, She's The Man and am wavering between Bend It Like Beckham (HOW AM I THE ONLY PERSON THINKING OF NOMINATING THIS? SERIOUSLY???) and Tennis RPF because I really want that Chrissie/Martina fic. but if nobody nominates Bend It Like Beckham I may have to abandon classic tennis for this year. :(

Amanda Palmer and Mumford & Sons both have new albums out! they're pretty ace, you should check them out.

missmollyetc filled a Baby Dream Team prompt for me over on touchline and it's awesome! go read: The Same Last Dream Again.

anybody want to play with memes? late to the party, I know. (seen this from a bunch of people but most recently aramley.)

Pick a trope from this list and provide a fandom/pairing and I’ll tell you something about the story I’d write for that combination!

1. genderswap
2. bodyswap
3. drunk!fic
4. huddling for warmth
5. pretending to be married
6. secretly a virgin
7. amnesia
8. cross-dressing
9. forced to share a bed
10. truth or dare
11. historical AU
12. accidental-baby-acquisition
13. apocalypse fic
14. telepathy
15. High School / College AU

PS: PIQUE AND SHAKIRA ARE HAVING A BABY!!!

Comments

[missmollyetc.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you for the rec! ::grins::

Um, how about...14. telepathy with Leo Messi/David Villa?

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

but... I already wrote that fic (http://meretricula.livejournal.com/185326.html)...??? ahahaha um yes. I pretty much stand by my conclusions there! David would be super pissy about the invasion of his privacy and Leo would be quieter but also really upset because he has Trust Issues and he hasn't known David for years and years and years so he's definitely not allowed in the inner circle, and everybody else (especially Cesc and Geri) would gang up on poor Villa and threaten to murder him if he makes Leo unhappy because Leo is the baby of the team and everybody loves him best. but in the end it works out!

or idk, maybe a sort of X-Men AU where Leo's been forced to take drugs to block his psychic abilities for his whole life and never questioned it, but one day he forgets to take his pills and SUDDENLY HE CAN HEAR EVERYBODY'S THOUGHTS OH GOD WHAT IS GOING ON and it's actually really unpleasant and scary and he just wants it to go away, but now the government is after him and he can't go back to the way things were before and he's rescued by an underground resistance cell that's headed up by a dark, cranky and handsome older man named David Villa? and Villa teaches him to control his telepathy (although of course Leo is like the most powerful telepath anybody has ever seen because he's Leo Messi) and slowly they learn to trust each other! and there is hot psychic sex the end. XD

[iguessthati.livejournal.com]

wow i'm jumping in here to let you know i never thought i needed another telepathic leo/villa in my life


but now i do

[missmollyetc.livejournal.com]

I will accept and love all of these ideas, and that link! :D Thank you!

I really like the idea of Messi and Villa telepathically linked, for some reason. I think because they're such weird opposites, and I can imagine bizarre personality bleed throughs before anybody figures out what's happening, and suddenly Leo's arguing with people on the street, and Villa's blushing his way through interviews or something. HILARIOUS SHENANIGANS, is what I'm saying.

On the other hand, 'Tall, dark, and cranky' mentors 'Bewildered supermutant' in an X-men AU is an entirely absorbing idea as well! God, think of all those skin tight outfits...

[iguessthati.livejournal.com]

there can never be enough baby dream team c:

and therefore, number 13. apocalypse fic w/ baby dream team?

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

oh man, have you read distira's cesc/iker apocalypse fic (http://distira.livejournal.com/68031.html) because I suspect it may be relevant to your interests.

but yes! to return to the question at hand! I am adapting the plot of a tennis rpf apocalypse au that I never ended up writing here, but: because of Reasons there is an apocalypse and most of the Barcelona players survived by holing up in the Ciutat Esportiva, but sooner or later they have to start expanding out to get food and water and medicine and stuff. Pique emerges in this moment of crisis as Warlord in Chief (I guess Puyi didn't make it :( sorry Puyi! the plot necessitates your death!) and he's incredibly ruthless and badass and in charge, but mostly he got that way because he knows his immediate family all died in the Event except for his cousin Montse and he had to take over to make sure that she was found before anything happened to her. and they did find Montse -- good things happen in the apocalypse sometimes! -- and so he keeps her and Carlota Fabregas and Leo in the heart of the Ciutat Esportiva, in the lap of the closest he can manage to luxury, while he goes out and kills interlopers and rival gangs and whatnot. and Cesc is basically his consort and runs the people side of things and keeps everybody calm. Leo is three-quarters of the way to insane because his entire family was in Argentina and even if they're not dead he'll never see them again, and Cesc and Geri are trying to prevent this by wrapping him up in metaphorical cotton wool and never letting him go outside, and it is very obviously not working.

eventually Leo will break loose and become a horribly effective killing machine I think? I hadn't gotten that far. and of course they all still love each other very much and are dangerously co-dependent but well, it is the apocalypse, even a happy ending wouldn't be all that happy. XD

[iguessthati.livejournal.com]

omg thank you so much this looks fab.

that sounds like.
that sounds perf.

[justkisa.livejournal.com]

Mario Balotelli/David Silva - accidental-baby-acquisition

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

THAT POOR BABY OH GOD

uh I mean

I suspect that Mario's mama would descend in full Italian force and take over operations, and sort of incidentally compel Mario to get his shit together with regard to Silva? like, "you have a child now, you cannot continue to behave so irresponsibly, your baby deserves two parents and if this is the man you have chosen then you will act accordingly" and when Mario tries to tell her that he never said that about Silva, what the hell, she just gives him the eye because she's his mother and she knows.

meanwhile Silva's been sulkily lurking around the Balotelli household because he feels like Mario's parents have hijacked the baby and taken it away from him/his family and he can't even articulate why this upsets him because he can't admit to himself that he loves the goddamn baby and he kind of loves Mario too. FEELINGS, WHY ARE THEY SO DIFFICULT.

(I have no idea where the baby came from. maybe Rafaella really was pregnant and it's not Mario's kid but he decides to take it in anyway?)

[justkisa.livejournal.com]

I was going to pick something else from the list but, in the end, I couldn't resist the thought of Mario with a baby and Silva being all Silva about it. Also, all of the ideas in this comment are awesome but this one

and when Mario tries to tell her that he never said that about Silva, what the hell, she just gives him the eye because she's his mother and she knows.

is my favorite and I really think it would be awesome even without the baby. Mama Balotelli knows what's what and eventually, I believe, would sort Mario and Silva's relationship out baby or no and that would be an awesome story all by itself. Really more of Mama Balotelli in any and all stories would be awesome.

[fandomonymous.livejournal.com]

#8, whichever footballers tickle your fancy. :P /predictable

As for Yuletide, I'm going back to my nerdy roots! I'm definitely nominating Math Girls (the novels by Hiroshi Yuki) and Mindcrack (a set of Let's Players on Youtube I have been obsessed with for the past few months). Maybe I will nominate Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex again because I LOVE THAT SHOW AND IT IS MY BULLETPROOF FANDOM. But if someone else gets to that first I might pick another anime, something a little more recent: Steins;Gate maybe? Gundam Unicorn?

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

haha, one of the fun things about yuletide is seeing all the other tiny fandoms people are into! never heard of any of yours, but you never know. XD

re: the meme, my initial impulse was Atsuto Uchida/Manuel Neuer, but I don't think there's a way to write Neuer having a thing for Atsuto in a yukata that eventually escalates to him buying women's kimonos and asking Atsuto to dress up in them for him that wouldn't be racist and really grossly fetishizing, so we're not going there. so!

sometimes when it's really late and everybody else is asleep Victor and Andres tell each other secrets. they started because Andres would cry when he got homesick and couldn't sleep, and Victor would wake up and ask him what was wrong and Andres decided it was okay to tell him so long as Victor told him a secret too. so of course when Andres is fifteen or so and he's finally worked up the nerve to tell Victor that he thinks he's the most beautiful person in the world and he wants to kiss him, he does it when they're trading secrets. and that's such a huge confidence, such a big thing to trust him with, and Victor feels like he has to give Andres something of equal value in return, so he tells him that he loves him and Andres can kiss him if he really wants but he's all wrong: Victor knows he isn't beautiful, and he hates the way he looks, and he wishes he could look pretty and wear pretty clothes but boys don't do that so he can't. (Andres takes about as much of this in as you would expect of a fifteen-year-old who's just been told he's allowed to kiss his crush. but he remembers it later, and he's the one who takes Victor to get his ear pierced, and steals his sister's lipstick for Victor to try on, and sees every outfit Victor puts together. he thinks they all look beautiful, but he thinks Victor is beautiful no matter what.)

[fandomonymous.livejournal.com]

Kawa, nominating fictional girls doing mathematics and real boys playing video games LIKE A BOSS. :P EDIT TO ADD: also, part of the reason I've been distracted from footie may or may not be that I am inadvertently moderating the tiny but amazingly vibrant openly slashy community for Mindcrack on Dreamwidth, far away from the prying eyes of the boys themselves on Youtube and Reddit (where the more "mainstream" fandom lies). There's like half a dozen people on it but we discuss the videos they make (and the innuendo they make, for it is plentiful) every day. IT'S GREAT.

I would have thought that as long as Atsuo himself likes being in the yukata and chooses to be in the yukata because it pleases him (and manages to please Manu as well) it'd be fine, personally, and if Manu happens to catch him trying one on once and decides to ask to see it again more properly this time that's fine too. :P But this works too! and is ADORABLE. I love the usage of secrets and of now-gender-neutral-but-not-always! things like pierced ears, and I love their trust for each other. <3

[khoshgeleh-16.livejournal.com]

... have you been enabling people into your fandoms again?

Sid/Geno, 14. Just cos I don't think I've see that done yet.


(Also I may or may not be attempting to write a Skinner/Staal soulbonding thing where Jeff is still a skater and Patrick Chan is the embodiment of all evil. Thoughts?)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

always, baby! ;)

oh boy. all I know is that it probably isn't very helpful, because Sid thinks in English and Geno thinks in Russian and it's all very frustrating for both of them, so they have to learn to think in images in order to communicate. it would be a really interesting exercise in semiotics, actually... THEORY HAS FOLLOWED YOU HOME. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE.

(my thoughts are: YES PLEASE.)

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

Victor/Andres, historical AU!

I'm going to do Yuletide this year! I'm nominating Olympics (I really just want Epke Zonderland fic but I have a sense it's not going to happen, I've promised to nominate some other people's favorites along with him), Bauhaus-the-band, and I don't know what else, maybe Football Weekly for nahco3? I don't really want fic for most things so it's often hard for me to come up with stuff for Yuletide.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

...was there ever a pairing more made for the ancient Athenian erastes/eromenos relationship FINALLY A USE FOR ALL THAT LYRIC POETRY I TRANSLATED IN COLLEGE ahahahah I mean. Victor is the handsomest of all the athletes training for the Olympics and everyone is ridiculously jealous that he only ever has eyes for Andres who is really quiet and not at all flashy but he's been in love with Victor forever and ever and ever, and of course Victor picks him to be his beloved and they race in the Games together and are very much in love blah blah Socrates blah blah Peloponnesian War everything ends in tears. (I may have just ripped off the entire plot of The Last of the Wine. shhhh.)

yay for yuletide! oh man, Football Weekly. I think I'm giving up on the idea of Foreign Desk fic for this year, though. too many fandoms of one, not enough time! XD

[louis-quatorze.livejournal.com]

yessssss ALL OF THIS.

[marilena172.livejournal.com]

9. forced to share a bed. (David Villa-Lionel Messi)
xD
since there is messilla reunion in the air this month,i choose this pairing!!!!!

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

haha, I feel like there's a couple ways to approach that one but I would go with "away trip to fucking Russia or something, hotel messes up their reservations and everybody has to share a bed". and they go to sleep on opposite edges of the bed, but they're both used to sharing so they wake up completely wrapped around each other and possibly awkward morning wood is involved. they leap apart as soon as they realize they are not in bed with their wife/girlfriend and vow never to speak of this to anyone, ever.

but David thinks Leo was actually pretty warm and cuddly and it wasn't really that bad

[marilena172.livejournal.com]

Oh, I see what are you doing here, and I liiiiike it!!! hehehehe!! poor awkward little boys who always are getting involving in awkward situations...

Leo is David's comfy pillow thank you very much!


I can see Victor scowls to Xavi because he gots to sleep with Andres and they locked the door and now he has to share a bed with Pique. :P

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

ahahahaha oh man. oh man. no, see, as soon as they realize that they're going to have to share beds, everyone demands to room with Andres. (first of all, everybody likes Andres best. and secondly he's small enough that he won't take up the whole bed.) and Victor is just standing around rolling his eyes and going "really guys? you know he kicks in his sleep like a motherfucker" because he's the only one who has ever actually had to sleep with Andres before (away games for the B-team: they don't shell out for nice hotel rooms) and he knows. but once Xavi has used captain's privilege to claim Andres the general population shifts their demand from I WANT TO SHARE WITH ANDRES to I WILL SHARE WITH ANYBODY SO LONG AS IT'S NOT PIQUE AND HIS UNCONTROLLABLE BONER.

Victor is less amused when he winds up as the one stuck with Pique. I can't decide what would be funnier, if he banishes Pique to sleep in the bathtub or if Xavi and Andres take pity on him and let him come sleep with them. XD

[marilena172.livejournal.com]

ummmm what if Victor banishes Pique from their room??? He kicks him for 134335234523 time and when he starts singing Justin Bieber in his sleep, Victor just can't stand it any more, and Geri finds himself knocking in all the rooms of his teammates, but all of them refuse to take him in.
Of course, when he comes up at Leo and Villa's room, exhausted and really in need for some sleep, he backmails Leo with a really big awkward secret that only the trio knows(cescy, geri, leo) and noone should never find out, so Leo lets him in.
Villa is so moody after that, that he actually doesn't let Pique to borrow not even one pillow.
Leo passes one to him after Villa pretents he is asleep.
Geri starts rambling in his sleep about Cesc, and nudity, and showers and Villa takes him to Xavi to deal with the situation. He is the captain after all. Furthermore the same time Victor appears in Xavi's door and demands to sleep with Andres.

Oh GOD , it's your fault that i can't decide between xaviniesta and Victor/Andres ok???
This was all about messilla at first but now it's about every pair we ship at Barca!!!

..... AS IT'S NOT PIQUE AND HIS UNCONTROLLABLE BONER!!!! iam still shaking with laughter!!!!!!!! You are jenious!!!!!

[dreamofthem.livejournal.com]

BABY PIQUE

BABY PIQUE AND ALSO BABY MESSI THEY ARE GOING TO GROW UP TOGETHER. CESC MISSED THE BOAT HE IS NOT READY FOR A CHILD. Idk if Pique is ready for a child tbh but oh lord, baby pique. baby shakira. I'm SO ENDEEEAAARRED. *flail*

Also, right, so, so... I... explain yuletide right, I don't get it. I get that you nominate rare fandoms I guess? Then what?

As for the tropes, I spent a long time amusing myself with various combinations, but talk to me about Iker and his male-hareem and number 2 because there is no way that can not end spectacularly.

[dreamofthem.livejournal.com]

I could go and find out how yuletide works on my own but I am that lazy. feel free to tell me to bugger off.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

have not got to you yet as far as meme responses go but: yuletide! it is a rare fandom fic exchange with a very large participant pool. right now is the brainstorming stage, where everybody gets excited about their fandoms and tries to lure new people into them. next is nominations, when anybody who is going to participate can nominate up to four characters in each of up to three fandoms. the resulting list of fandoms will be weeded for not-actually-rare interlopers (a process that causes much wank and stress) and then the remaining list, and all characters that were nominated for them, are the pool that is used for requests/offers. each participant asks for up to four characters in four fandoms from the list and offers some number of characters in some number of fandoms (I honestly can't remember exactly) as well. each person is then matched to a request that falls within what they offered to write, writes a fic of at least 1000 words and uploads it before deadline! (and then, optional, proceeds to write fic for other requests.) on Christmas Day, everybody gets their gift fic(s) and there is an orgy of reading, commenting and reccing! it's the best season of the year. :)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

I have been trying and trying to think of any way to write Iker's harem that is not DEPRESSING AS FUCK now that they've basically all left him for pastures new, and it has finally come to me! everybody except Iker gets bodyswapped, right, so Thiago wakes up in David Lopez's body in Brighton, which would appeal to his hipster DNA except for how he doesn't speak English and has no clue what is going on and thus it is just terrifying, David Lopez wakes up in Manchester and you'd think he'd be better off because at least he's still in the same country, right? WRONG, BECAUSE DAVID LOPEZ IS NOT A GOALKEEPER. David De Gea is somehow in Ibai Gomez's place and he doesn't even really know Ibai so this is pretty awkward seeing the contents of his underwear drawer and all, poor Ibai is in motherfucking Germany and Javi's girlfriend doesn't believe him when he tries to tell her what happened, Javi is back in Bilbao which is really awkward, and Ander wakes up snuggled up with Rafinha and doesn't even get to "wait this isn't where I went to sleep, what just happened?" before he hits OH FUCK I'M IN BED WITH THIAGO'S BABY BROTHER THIAGO IS GOING TO MURDER ME I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE. but being Ander Herrera he maintains enough presence of mind to, wait for it, call his own cell phone, and once he gets in touch with Javi they manage to trace the circle of bodyswapping all the way back to Thiago in Brighton. (who by this time has recovered from his panic attack and is off taking Instagram photos along the boardwalk, because he is Thiago and a filthy hipster.) one very confusing conference call later they have reached the conclusion that the only thing they all have in common is Iker's dick, and dispatch De Gea and Javi (in Ibai and Ander's bodies) to retrieve their erstwhile sometime lover and find out what the hell he's done.

(I believe what he's done is somehow to get Fernando Amorebieta to grant a poorly-phrased wish about getting the people who've left him to come back, because I like to imagine Amore as a secret Venezuelan wizard. obviously the way to break the spell is for them all to have sex. while Amore is watching, because he's a pervert.)

TADA. a non-depressing bodyswap story about Iker's harem!

[dreamofthem.livejournal.com]

I shouldn't be surprised that you went to the depressing place first since that is what I am constantly doing with iker, but I'm so glad that you found the happy crack place instead <3 this is hilarious and perfectly formed and I love it and will cherish it <3

[ladytelemachus.livejournal.com]

Just dropping by to express my extreme and undying love for She's The Man ♥ ♥ ♥

And what a delightful meme. How about #8 and Adam Johns- OH WAIT NO THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE.

...um, because it is effing freezing my neck of the woods and the cat is proving a mightily ineffectual hot water bottle, maybe some sort of #4ish scenario involving Esteban Granero and other PL-based Spaniard of your choice dealing with the British winter?

Hope things aren't too stressful uni and work wise :(

<3

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

IT IS THE GREATEST MOVIE, OH MY GOD. Channing Tatum as a super-hot striker who doesn't know how to talk to girls! Toby's unabashed crush on Eunice! AMANDA BYNES.

seeing as Esteban and Juan Mata are IRL hipster besties since the age of fifteen, I'm guessing it will be Juan doing the snuggling in this scenario ;) he probably takes Pirata out to all his favorite museums and concert venues and then back to his apartment for hot chocolate. (this makes Ori feel super insecure, of course, but Juan will make it up to him!) god, can you imagine Matita and Pirata bustling around the kitchen, trying to cook hot food to stave off the cold. OR COOKIES. they're not very good at it, of course, but they don't set the kitchen on fire or anything so Paula just lets them get it out of their systems and chokes down whatever they cook.

[brojan.livejournal.com]

xavi/villa pretending to be married! JUST KIDDING THAT IS THEIR REAL LIVES. how about genderswap?

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

oh man, that would be amazing! I bet Xavi doesn't even let it faze him at first, whatever, he's cool, he'll just join the women's team and it'll be fine as long as he can play! right up until he finds out how hard it is to play football as a woman in Spain and then IT IS ON, PATRIARCHAL SPORTS CULTURE. XAVI WILL RAZE YOUR SEXIST INSTITUTIONS TO THE GROUND. also he is not waxing his legs or his armpits or his swimsuit area and if you don't like the way he looks in a skirt you can just dealwithit, assholes whistling at him on the street. Xavi is not taking your shit.

meanwhile poor Villa is still a little stuck on the fact that he has breasts. and a vagina. and his dick has gone away. :( he really misses his dick okay. and he had no idea that ladyparts required so much upkeep. lucky he has Xavi around to show him that the natural look is just fine!

[tinymich.livejournal.com]

So - Yuletide is for "pairings uncommon in fic", right? or is it strictly for imaginary pairings? Because I was saying to Jen today, I don't understand why no one writes fic about Piquira? Or even better, Fabriquira. (You'll note I put Geri in the middle of the portmanteau there, where he belongs.) Is that nominatable?

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

rare fandoms, not rare pairings, and football doesn't qualify as rare anymore. so no. :(

...unless somebody decides to nominate Latin-American singers as a fandom or something and go about it that way, which I guess you could. XD

[aramley.livejournal.com]

Rafa/Nole historical AU! Because I am deeply predictable! Failing that, you don't know how much I want to see Rafa and Novak fail at dealing with a baby.

Oh god how can it be yuletide time? Now I have to try and remember all the things I promised myself I was going to remember for nominations D:

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

Rafa/Nole Roman empire has probably been done already but idgaf, I wanna do it again! I feel like the easiest way would be to make Rafa governor of Hispania or whatever (did Hispania have a governor? Roman history: I don't actually know anything) and Nole the general of the upstart barbarian army that tries to invade, but that would be boring. maybe Nole could be a really popular and critically admired singer/dancer/entertainer or something? actually scrap everything, we're setting this in Ancient Greece and Nole is a hugely acclaimed dramatist and Rafa is a prominent solder-citizen who doesn't get poetry but has to sponsor a play at the drama festival. and he keeps trying to tell Nole to just do whatever the fuck he wants, he's not going to take away funding, but Nole just refuses to accept that Rafa doesn't care about all these details about the play, so he keeps bringing them to him and Rafa pretends to be annoyed but is secretly pleased because it means he gets to see Nole more often.

YULETIIIIIIIIIIIDE

[countesscole.livejournal.com]

#3... Get Xavi and Iker drunk. Have a Spanish NT moment.

Could be a Clasico moment, too, but I think that'd have a waaaay different ending.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

oh dear, I doubt this is what you wanted :P but! mardia and I have this shared headcanon about Xavi and Iker having a vaguely dom/sub relationship (though we disagree about how much sex they're having, haha) where neither of them knows what they're doing and they sort of fumbled their way to figuring out what they want. (Iker likes Xavi to tell him what to do. Xavi likes Iker to do what he tells him. handy how that works out!) I would guess that getting drunk might have had something to do with Iker owning up to the fact that he likes it when Xavi bosses him around. yes. yes I like this. presumably at the 1999 U-20 World Cup. oh my lord I just looked up the squad from that tournament and Iker was 17, now I feel like a pervert. =/

BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS.

[countesscole.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Oh, I can totally see them not having a clue what they're doing, and Xavi finally just taking over and bossing Iker around. Your logic here is flawless ;)