existential crisis!!!

[meretricula]

seriously, have you ever had a moment like you've suddenly realized you're in the Matrix? good god. I was reading all these really ancient and very detailed wank reports on Cassie Claire's circle back in the day and had the sudden horrific thought... what if I'm a troll too?

...you guys would tell me if I were a troll, right? I know I don't always remember to be nice. and I was kind of a bitch over the fbkink thing. and I say awful things sometimes without really thinking about it. and got told by a Canadian yesterday that I'm embarrassing to be seen with because I swear too much, so it's not even just an online thing.

but if I'm being awful please just tell me, okay? I don't want to be a troll.

fandom is scary sometimes.

(PS: good god cornerflag why must you be so difficult to write.)

Comments

[jynx.livejournal.com]

a - I think Americans in general swear too much. So don't take that to heart. Granted, I mostly hung out with boys when I was a kid, so I KNOW I have a horrible mouth (though I'm trying to turn "fuck" into "frak" to tone the swearing down).

b - Hun, unless you plagiarize and then blow it off and THEN GET FRAKKING PUBLISHED I don't think you're going to get to her levels. Trolls = start flame wars for fun. Everyone has troll moments, but you're not a total troll unless that's all you do.

*HUGS* I think you're good. :)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

lmao, I was trying to tone it down in front of him afterward because I didn't want to be offensive and it was a continuous stream of "blah blah fucking - oh, fuck, sorry" until he finally rolled his eyes and said I shouldn't try to change.

but jesus the stuff that went down in that fandom. I had no idea. not even all CC, just the people around her were fucking awful. and there was some crazy girl who had a zillion alternate troll identities and was responsible for huge flamewars... all to become friends with Cassie Claire. it's horrifying and unnerving and I had an "oh god ANYONE COULD BE LYING ABOUT ANYTHING THIS IS THE INTERNET" moment.

hee, thank you :) ~hugs back~

[jynx.livejournal.com]

lol. Exactly. Its hard to remember to censor yourself too much. I'm certainly not as crass as I was when I was 10-15 (and with good reason) but I still have my moments. Actually, a guy in class had the nerve to tell me that my men (in my story) sounded more like girls because they didn't swear enough. And that they said "seriously" and "really" too much and therefore weren't men. XD Ooooh the interestingness of language and gender, yeah?

HP is a scary fandom. ANIME is nearly almost as scary. But I don't think any fandom has ANYTHING on HP. Well. ...maybe Marvel comic fandom with their giant bullshit about Tony Stark and Steve Rogers and their damned Civil War. But, if you want the bait trolls and see them in their prime - go to 4chan. They are good for laughs. :D

And there are 4chan boards for everything. ;)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

dialogue is definitely one of the most interesting parts of writing to me! there are so many factors. though I know even in English some things really are gender markers in speech... apologizing is a very female trait, for instance. =/ there have been linguistic studies, I think. might be fun to investigate at some point.

I don't think I'm advanced enough in Internet Studies to brave 4chan. that's a level of trollery I'm just not prepared for. XD

[jynx.livejournal.com]

XD I...love 4chan. It's a great way to waste time. And to laugh at people. And a lot of boards aren't that bad. Some have bad reps because people are stupid sometimes on certain boards but.

I should look up the linguistic study, esp since I mostly write men!

[tinuvielchild.livejournal.com]

A good search string for such linguistic studies (and there have been more than a couple) is "gender-linked language effect".

[mardia.livejournal.com]

Heh, I don't think you're a troll. I think you're not at all worried about sharing your opinions, whatever they might be, but that doesn't necessarily translate to "troll".

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

the thing is, I really do worry a lot about sharing my opinions. I just have terminal foot-in-mouth disease. =/

[mardia.livejournal.com]

As someone who like, either keeps her mouth shut unless she's in chat or so worked up that it ends up in like ~5,000 word essays on Livejournal (just look at my last post!) I totally feel you there.

But generally, I think if you're being honest and not disrespectful, then that's fine. People disagree, that's how we have discussions in the first place.

And I had to laugh at your earlier comment about Cassie Claire--I read the entry about whatshername, Miss Scribe? And Cassie Claire and oh my God, HP fandom, thank fuck I stayed on the fringes when I was just a bb!fangirl and stuck to writing crappy fic and reading less-crappy fic, because I'm fairly sure it would have WARPED MY HEAD.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

we all just have a lot of ~feelings! I always feel like sports fandom must be extra-wanky because we all support different teams or players, but then I realize that we don't actually have ship wars. so we're doing pretty well.

oh god, no kidding. at least I wasn't wading into those waters on my own. all my circle of RL friends got into HP fanfic at the same time. I might have gotten to slash earliest, though. ~ponders~ but I totally remember reading the Draco series as a group experience. I am so glad that I wasn't actively participating in fandom much yet. wankiest fandom ever to wank, I think...

[tinymich.livejournal.com]

I remember the msscribe drama! :-( I was pretty sad the way it all went down. I actually liked Dionne as a person. I definitely wasn't Close with any of them, you know the way the inner circle all seemed to be, but leaving fic entirely aside, Dionne's non-HP posts about her husband and daughters were both sweet and HILARIOUS. I am still sad they are all gone, and that she vanished from the internet; I would love to hear how everyone's doing.

But yes. Internet wankery.

[nahco3.livejournal.com]

1. I don't think you're a troll.

2. cornerflag oh god no.

3. (and this is off topic but) acchikocchi and I were talking about your incredibly amazing soul-bonding fic here and um, as you can see if you bother reading all the crazy, I'm thinking about writing a companion piece? so I was wondering if that would, first of all, be ok with you. I would obviously credit your idea, but I don't want to write something based off your ideas unless you're totally ok with it.

and if you are ok with me writing this (or hypothetically writing it, whatever) would you mind giving me some more insight on how you envision soul-bonding working in your 'verse with football, etc? if you don't want to, that's cool, I can just make shit up.

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

1. oh okay then :DDD

2. ~cries into her plateful of peanut-butter chocolate-chip-cookies~ I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM STRESS-EATING OVER FANFICTION

3. OMG I WOULD BE SO PROUD :') AND YES HOLY SHIT I WILL BE DELIGHTED TO TALK ABOUT SOUL-BONDING ALL DAY LONG YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED.

ummmm basically first off no other club "officially" bonds players. (like, the medical procedure where they intentionally pair players up - nobody would ever do that. that is crazy-ass Dutch shit that gets people killed.) for the most part other clubs aren't aware that it's a possibility - there's a big plot-point in the half-written sequel that all the Barcelona players past and present have to smoke-screen for Xavi because nobody who plays for other teams (and in particular Iker) can find out why he's freaking out so badly over Iniesta not playing with him. but obviously there is some cross-over with transfers and I think Raul knew about Pep and Figo even if he never said anything.

(also Iniesta and Xavi are really unusual in that they can affect each other off the pitch and even sort of communicate telepathically. the idea is to help players play together better, not to completely invade their privacy or make them incapable of ever playing without each other. Cesc, Pique and Messi are completely fine without each other, it doesn't really affect them at all. like, Pique and Cesc knew when Leo broke his leg, but it didn't hurt them. Pep was upset about Figo leaving but it didn't make him physically sick. part of the problem for Xavi and Andres is that they actually feel whatever the other is feeling and nobody can really tell them how to deal with it or make it stop.)

that said! I was sort of toying with the idea of spontaneous bonding? like, if two people are compatible enough and spend enough time together, they will bond even without medical assistance. (this is possibly why Xavi and Iniesta bonded so tightly initially, that they would have done so eventually anyway. it will probably displease you to know that I was thinking about this in relation to Villa and Messi and their spontaneous strike partnership, lol.) in my handwave-y AU science talk, all the adrenaline in football matches speeds the process up, though the younger you are, the more susceptible you are, so there's two forces working against each other. you bond to someone you've been around a long time, but once you get to a certain age it probably won't take, which is why it's really only possible on a large scale at places like Barcelona or Athletic Bilbao. and the ethical issues are something that nobody really paid attention to under Cruyff, but after that there were a couple of "oh shit" moments and people started being more careful about letting teenagers make permanent bonds. (and, like, more relevant to your plot: I don't think Valencia or indeed David Villa or David Silva would be likely to recognize that they were bonded until after Villa transferred, but idk, I think that could be fun and interesting too, that not having Silva around makes Villa upset and possibly even a little sick and nobody knows why until Emili checks his bloodwork himself and is all "ffffffff your medical SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT THIS" and has to explain the whole concept. or else you could ignore me and make up new and exciting canon, haha. whichever!)

oh god I could rant all day. um. sorry. =/

[tinymich.livejournal.com]

(Just rudely eavesdropping aloud to say that this is fabulosofantastic. I cannot wait to read soulbonding spinoff fic! and yes it is so obvious that clearly Villa is unusually compatible with Messi, and with Silva before him. Maybe he is the sensitive? We know Leo isn't. But bzuh, Villa as an undiscovered sensitive? So strange at face value, AND YET, IF EXPLORED...)

(Good luck with cornerflag! And, in the indeterminate future, with Spain NT Huge Coverup sequel! squeeee....)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

hee! I knowwwww, now I'm very excited! sensitive Villa ♥♥♥

thank you! :)

[mardia.livejournal.com]

So sorry to butt in here, but this backstory is FASCINATING, YO. May I ask, was what Xavi and Iniesta did the full-on medical procedure you're talking about or what?

And I like the idea of Villa developing all these spontaneous bonds with other people, lololol. (I personally kind of love the idea of him making these bonds with more than one person--Silva, Torres, Reina, all to various degrees, and it being the real explanation for how moody-tetchy he can get on occasion, and nobody figures it out until he comes to Barcelona and bonds with Messi.)

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry to intrude here (particularly as anon), but what you said about Villa! It would be amazing to read, that. Villa with his tough-seeming exterior being extremely sensitive :)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

don't worry about intruding! (and you don't have to be anon, we're friendly types, I promise, but if you're more comfortable that way don't worry about it :D)

I am also super-psyched for this sensitive Villa concept! I admit I was originally thinking of Leo as a late-blooming sensitive - he wasn't at all when he was young, and now he's starting to be much more so as he gets older, which is completely bewildering to everyone since that's not the way it's supposed to work - but Villa as the undiscovered sensitive is amazing. and he keeps half-forming bonds and then his potential bondmates keep leaving and he doesn't understand why this makes him feel so awful because nobody knows enough to tell him what's happening except Pepe and Pepe couldn't because he's not a Barcelona player and so Villa is grumpy all the time. <333

(and to mardia - yeah, the full medical procedure is just some weird blood transfusion with added chemical things. ~handwave~ it's not actually very complicated because they only do it with people who are compatible anyway.)

[nahco3.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU SO MUCH! also for this incredible explanation, which actually really awesome-ly works with my idea?

basically, the manager of Valencia in 2007 was Ronald Koeman who played for the Barca dream team with Pep et al, and was also Dutch, and later went on to be an assistant manger at Barca for brief time. when he was at Valencia (imo) he really really fucked over the club in a lot of ways. anyway, he'd obviously have an understanding of what bonding is. but because he's a total fucking douchebag, he'd have no compunctions about doing borderline unethical stuff. because of that, I was considering having him be the one who bonded DV and DS, but in a very sketchy and unsafe kind of way. which possibly they wouldn't even be aware of - ie, he was just like "do this, it'll be great for the team!" without explaining. and then got fired before anyone really knew what happened. so the Barca medical team easily could have been the first people to really properly explain to DV what was up.

(also Iniesta and Xavi are really unusual in that they can affect each other off the pitch and even sort of communicate telepathically.

I figured their bond wasn't the norm. but I would be very remiss in not giving DV and DS an equally powerful source of psychic connection. I'm sure you understand. :)

in relation to Villa and Messi and their spontaneous strike partnership

I won't hold that against you. much.

[mardia.livejournal.com]

when he was at Valencia (imo) he really really fucked over the club in a lot of ways.

Ooooh. Was this the year they won the Copa del Rey, may I ask? I remember reading an article (probably by Sid Lowe, heh, I should look that up) about how the club was going absolutely INSANE that year, and not even winning a trophy could fix it.

But man, that is a GREAT idea for a story. Oh man, poor Villa and Silva.

[nahco3.livejournal.com]

it was! what happened was they fired their first manager of the season (Flores, who I really liked) and brought Koeman. they did win the Copa del Rey, but also had a fun little relegation battle on their hands, which is ridiculous considering the year before they'd come in 4th in the league, and had been in the CL at the start of the season. so.

that, I believe, was the year the board decided to build Valencia's new stadium which is the project that put them so in debt they ended up having to sell DV and DS. (and also stop playing players wages for a while.) because that season was such a shitshow, their was also a lot a lot of locker room drama - no one liked Koeman, no one listened to him, the players didn't get along very well, etc.

I should mention that DV and DS stayed close the whole time though. :D :D

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

I am excitedddddd about this :DDD

have fun! (and feel free to ask me if you ever have questions blah blah I am totally delighted to be of any help at all though LJ is currently cockblocking me from my comments like a bitch so if I don't notice just poke me again)

but how could you resist this cinematic masterpiece~?



(in all sincerity, though, god they're the most awkwardly adorable cuties in the world.)

deleted comment to edit it, sorry.

[nahco3.livejournal.com]

they are very cute! and I actually wrote them once, ages ago. (funnily enough, it was an AU where DV moved to Barca. basically, I can predict the future with my fic, no actually.) even though DV/DS are my OTP for life, I think DV and Leo are super-cute together. I try not to be too tin-hatted a shipper. :)

[aramley.livejournal.com]

You're not a troll and you're definitely not embarrassing to be seen with! Although idk how much comfort that is coming from someone who swears as much as I do ;)

[meretricula.livejournal.com]

clearly we are ladies of great taste and discretion. idk what everybody else is on about. :P